tHQ 


UC-NRLF 


GIFT  OF 


MARRIAGE   RING: 

OR 

HOW  TO  MAKE  HOME  HAPPY. 
JOHN    ANGELL    JAMES. 


'  Pure,  open,  prosperous  love, 
That,  pledged  on  earth  and  sealed  above, 
Grows  in  the  world's  approving  eyes, 
In  Friendship's  smile,  and  home's'  caress, 
Collecting  all  the  heart's  sweet  ties 
Into  one  knot  of  happiness  !" 


BOSTON: 
GOULD,  KENDALL  AND  LINCOLN. 


Entered  according  to  the  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1842, 

EY  GOULD,  KENDALL  &  LINCOLN, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  District  of 

Massachusetts. 


, 

1' 


PREFACE. 


THIS  little  volume,  intended  as  a  mam  al 
for  those  just  entering  the  marriage  state,  is 
selected,  principally,  from  the  works  of  an 
author  beloved  and  esteemed  for  his  many 
practical  writings,  and  who  has  very  justly 
remarked : 

"It  is  an  unquestionable  truth,  that  if  a 
man  be  not  happy  at  home,  he  cannot  be 
happy  anywhere  ;  and  he  who  is  happy  there 
need  be  miserable  nowhere.  c  It  is  the  place 
of  all  the  world  I  love  most,'  said  the  inter 
esting  author  of  the  Task,  when  speaking  of 
home.  And  he  may  be  felicitated  who  can 
say  the  same.  Any  attempt,  however  feeble, 
to  render  the  domestic  circle,  what  it  ever 
should  be,  a  scene  of  comfort,  is  at  least 
benevolent.  The  secret  of  happiness  lies 
folded  up  in  the  leaves  of  the  Bible,  and  is 
carried  in  the  bosom  of  Religion.  The  au 
thor  knows  of  no  other  way  to  felicity,  and 


PREFACE. 


therefore  does  not  profess  to  teach  any  other. 
Let  the  two  parties  in  wedded  life,  be  believ 
ers  in  Christ  Jesus,  and  partake  themselves 
of  the  peace  that  passeth  understanding ;  let 
them,  when  they  become  a  father  and  a 
mother,  bring  up  their  children  in  the  fear  of 
God ;  and  if  happiness  is  to  be  found  upon 
earth,  it  will  "be  enjoyed  within  the  hallowed 
circle  of  a  family,  thus  united  by  love,  and 
sanctified  by  grace." 

Most  of  the  works  published  on  this  sub 
ject,  have  been  of  a  light  and  trifling  charac 
ter, — but  the  compiler  of  this  volume,  has 
aimed  to  present  such  a  work,  as  might  be 
deemed  a  suitable  offering  from  the  hand  of 
a  Pastor,  or  Christian  Friend. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

INTRODUCTION. 
THE   FORMATION  OF   THE   MARRIAGE   UNION. 

Importance  of  this  step, — ill-formed  marriages, — 
be  guided  by  advice,— mutual  attachment  indis 
pensable, — beauty, — love  of  the  person, — mind, 
manners,  countenance  and  heart, — marrying  for 
money, — disappointments, — prudence  in  your 
choice, — equality  in  age,  rank  and  condition, — 
ministers'  wives, — harmony  of  religious  senti 
ments, — widows  and  widowers, — a  second  wife, 
— preparation  for  marriage,  7 

CHAPTER  II. 

THE   FAMILY    CIRCLE. 

Sources  of  domestic  happiness, — the  domestic  con 
stitution, — its  divine  origin, — its  nature  and  de 
sign, — religion,  its  basis,  joy  and  support,  .  31 


VI  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  III. 

MUTUAL   DUTIES    OF   HUSBAND    AND   WIFE. 

Marriage  the  foundation  of  the  domestic  constitu 
tion, — love  the  ground-work  of  all, — mutual  re 
gard, — avoid  offences, — little  things, — mine  and 
thine, — mutual  respect, — attachment  to  each  oth 
er's  society, — evenings  at  home, — public  duties, 
— mutual  forbearance, — faults, — mutual  assist 
ance, — personal  religion, — benevolence, — mutual 
sympathy  in  sickness  and  affliction,  .  .  41 

CHAPTER  IV. 

SPECIAL   DUTIES   OF    HUSBAND   AND   WIFE. 

The  husband  most  in  danger  of  failing  in  his  duty, 
— Christ  a  model, — his  love  was  sincere,  ardent, 
supreme,  uniform,  practical  and  laborious,  dura 
ble  and  unchangeable, — a  plea  for  the  wife. — The 
Wife, — her  duties, — subjection, — reverence  in 
speech  and  action, — good  humor, — meekness, — 
extravagance  in  show  arid  dress, — economy  and 
order. — The  Mother, — her  attention  to  the  wel 
fare  and  comfort  of  children, — keeper  at  home, — 
literary  characters, — religious  duties  and  influ 
ence, — re-union  in  heaven,  ...  77 


MARRIAGE  RING. 


CHAPTER  I. 

INTRODUCTION. 

THE   FORMATION  OF  THE  MARRIAGE    UNION. 

"  Happy  they  !  the  happiest  of  their  kind  I 
Whom  gentler  stars  unite  ;  and  in  one  fate 
Their  hearts,  their  fortunes,  and  their  being  blend." 

IT  must  be  evident  to  all,  that  marriage  is 
a  step  of  incalculable  importance,  and  ought 
never  to  be  taken  without  the  greatest  con 
sideration  and  the  utmost  caution.  If  the 
duties  of  this  state  are  so  numerous  and  so 
weighty,  and  if  the  right  discharge  of  these 
obligations,  as  well  as  the  happiness  of  our 
whole  life,  and  even  our  safety  for  eternity, 
depend,  as  they  necessarily  must  do,  in  no 
small  measure  upon  the  choice  we  make  of 
a  husband  or  wife,  then  let  reason  determine 
with  what  deliberation  we  should  advance  to 
such  a  connexion.  It  is  obvious,  that  no 


THE    MARRIAGE 

.  'of*  ouy  whole  e'aith\y  existence  re 
quires  more  of  the  exercise  of  a  calm  judg 
ment  than  this ;  and  yet  observation  proves 
how  rarely  the  judgment  is  allowed  to  give 
counsel,  and  how  generally  the  imagination 
and  the  passions  settle  the  business. 

A  very  great  portion  of  the  misery  and  of 
the  crime  with  which  society  is  depraved 
and  afflicted,  is  the  result  of  ill-formed  mar 
riages.  To  use  the  beautiful  language  of 
another,  "  those  who  enter  the  marriage  state 
cast  a  die  of  the  greatest  contingency,  and 
yet  of  the  greatest  interest  in  the  world,  next 
to  the  last  throw  for  eternity.  Life  or  death, 
felicity  or  a  lasting  sorrow,  are  in  the  power 
of  marriage.  A  woman  indeed  ventures 
most,  for  she  hath  no  sanctuary  to  retire  to, 
from  an  evil  husband ;  she  must  dwell  upon 
her  sorrow,  which  her  own  folly  hath  pro 
duced  ;  and  she  is  more  under  it,  because 
her  tormentor  hath  warrant  of  prerogative, 
and  the  woman  may  complain  to  God,  as 
subjects  do  of  tyrant  princes,  but  otherwise 
she  hath  no  appeal  in  the  causes  of  unkind- 
ness.  And  though  THE  MAN  can  run  from 
many  hours  of  sadness,  yet  he  must  return  to 
it  again ;  and  when  he  sits  among  his  neigh- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


bors,  he  remembers  the  objection  that  lies  in 
his  bosom,  and  he  sighs  deeply." 

If,  however,  it  were  merely  the  comfort  of 
the  married  pair  themselves  that  was  con 
cerned,  it  would  be  a  matter  of  less  conse 
quence,  a  stake  of  less  value ;  but  the  well- 
being  of  a  family,  not  only  for  this  world,  but 
for  the  next,  and  equally  so  the  well-being 
of  their  descendants,  even  to  a  remote  period, 
depends  upon  this  union.  In  the  ardor  of 
passion,  few  are  disposed  to  listen  to  the 
counsels  of  prudence ;  and  perhaps  there  is 
no  advice,  generally  speaking,  more  thrown 
away,  than  that  which  is  offered  on  the  sub 
ject  of  marriage. 

Most  persons,  especially  if  they  are  already 
attached  to  a  selected  object,  although  they 
have  not  committed  themselves  by  a  promise 
or  even  a  declaration,  will  go  on  in  the  pur 
suit,  blinded  by  love  to  the  indiscretion  of 
their  choice ;  or  desperately  determined,  with 
the  knowledge  of  that  indiscretion,  to  ac 
complish,  if  possible,  their  purpose.  Upon 
such  individual's,  reasoning  is  wasted,  and 
they  must  be  left  to  gain  wisdom  in  the  only 
way  by  which  s^ne  will  acquire  it, — painful 
experience.  To  others,  who  may  be  yet 


10  THE   MARRIAGE    RING. 

disengaged,  and  disposed  to  hearken  to  the 
language  of  advice,  the  following  remarks 
are  offered. 
In  the  affair  of  marriage,  BE  GUIDED  BY 

THE  ADVICE  OF  PARENTS  OR  GUARDIANS. 

Parents  have  no  right  to  select  for  you,  nor 
ought  you  to  select  for  yourself,  without 
consulting  with  them.  How  far  they  are 
vested  with  authority  to  prohibit  you  from 
marrying  a  person  whom  they  disapprove, 
is  a  point  of  casuistry  very  difficult  to  deter 
mine. 

If  you  are  of  age,  and  able  to  provide  for 
yourselves,  or  are  likely  to  be  well  provided 
for  by  those  to  whom  you  are  about  to  be 
united,  it  is  a  question  whether  they  can  do 
anything  more  than  advise  and  persuade; 
but  till  you  are  of  age,  they  have  positive 
authority  to  forbid;  and  it  is  an  undutiful 
act  in  you  to  form  connexions  without  their 
knowledge,  and  to  carry  them  on  against 
their  prohibitions. 

Their  objections  ought  always,  I  admit,  to 
be  founded  on  reason,  and  not  on  caprice,  or 
pride ;  for,  where  this  is  the  case,  and  chil 
dren  are  of  full  age,  and  are^  guided  in  their 
choice  by  prudence,  by  piety,  and  by  affection, 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  11 

they  certainly  may,  and  must  be  left  to 
decide  for  themselves.  Where,  however, 
parents  rest  their  objections  on  sufficient 
grounds,  and  show  plain  and  palpable  reasons 
for  prohibiting  a  connexion,  there  it  is  the 
manifest  duty  of  sons,  and  especially  of 
daughters,  to  give  it  up.  Very  seldom  does 
that  connexion  prove  otherwise  than  a  source 
of  wretchedness,  on  which  the  frown  of  an 
affectionate  and  wise  father  and  mother  fell 
from  the  beginning;  for  God  seems  to  rise 
up  in  judgment,  and  to  support  the  parents' 
authority,  by  confirming  their  displeasure 
with  his  own. 
Marriage  should  in  every  case  be  formed 

UPON  THE   BASIS   OF   MUTUAL   ATTACHMENT. 

If  there  be  no  love  before  marriage,  it  cannot 
be  expected  there  should  be  any  after  it. 
Lovers,  as  all  are  supposed  to  be  who  are 
looking  forward  to  this  union,  without  love, 
have  no  right  to  expect  happiness ;  the  cold 
ness  of  indifference  is  soon  likely,  in  their 
case,  to  be  changed  into  aversion.  There 
ought  to  be  personal  attachment.  If  there 
be  anything,  even  in  the  exterior,  that  excites 
disgust,  the  banns  are  forbidden  by  the  voice 
of  nature. 


12  THE    MARRIAGE   RING. 

I  do  not  say  that  beauty  of  countenance  or 
elegance  of  form  is  necessary ;  by  no  means  ; 
a  pure  and  strong  attachment  has  often 
existed  in  the  absence  of  these.  And  I  will 
not  take  upon  me  to  determine,  that  it  is 
absolutely  impossible  to  love  deformity  ;  but 
we  certainly  ought  not  to  unite  ourselves 
with  it,  unless  we  can  love  it,  or,  at  least, 
are  so  enamored  with  the  fascination  of 
mental  qualities  that  may  be  united  with  it, 
as  to  lose  sight  of  the  body  in  the  charms  of 
the  mind,  the  heart,  and  the  manners.  All  I 
contend  for  is,  that  to  proceed  to  marriage 
against  absolute  dislike  and  revulsion,  is 
irrational,  base,  and  sinful. 

But  love  should  respect  the  mind  as  well 
as  the  body  ;  for  to  be  attached  to  an  individ 
ual  simply  on  the  ground  of  beauty,  is  to  fall 
in  love  with  a  doll,  a  statue,  or  a  picture. 
Such  an  attachment  is  lust  or  fancy,  but  cer 
tainly  not  a  rational  affection.  If  we  love 
the  body,  but  do  not  love  the  mind,  the  heart, 
and  the  manners,  our  regard  is  placed  upon 
the  inferior  part  of  the  person,  and,  therefore, 
only  upon  that  Avhich,  by  disease,  may  be 
next  year  a  very  different  thing  to  what  it  is 
now.  Nothing  fades  so  soon  as  beauty;  it 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  13 

is  but  like  the  delicate  bloom  of  an  attractive 
fruit,  and,  if  there  be  nothing  agreeable 
underneath,  will  be  thrown  away  in  disgust 
when  that  is  brushed  off;  and  thrown  away, 
too,  by  the  very  hand  of  him  that  plucks  it. 
It  is  so  commonly  remarked,  as  to  be 
proverbial,  that  the  charms  of  mind  increase 
by  acquaintance,  while  those  of  the  exterior 
diminish ;  and  that,  while  the  former  easily 
reconcile  us  to  a  plain  countenance,  the  latter 
excite,  by  the  power  of  contrast,  a  distaste 
for  the  insipidity,  ignorance,  and  heartless- 
ness  with  which  they  are  united,  like  gaudy, 
scentless  flowers,  growing  in  a  desert.  In 
stead  of  determining  to  stake  our  happiness 
upon  the  act  of  gathering  these  blooming 
weeds,  to  place  them  in  our  bosom,  let  us 
ask,  how  they  will  look  a  few  years  hence, 
or  how  they  will  adorn  and  bless  our  habita 
tion?  Let  us  ask,  will  the  understanding, 
united  with  that  countenance,  render  its 
subject  fit  to  be  my  companion,  and  the 
instructor  of  my  children  ?  Will  that  temper 
patiently  bear  with  my  weaknesses,  kindly 
consult  my  tastes,  affectionately  study  my 
comfort  ?  Will  those  manners  please  me  in 
solitude,  as  well  as  in  society  ?  Will  those 


14  THE   MARRIAGE    RING. 

habits  render  my  dwelling  pleasant  to  myself 
and  to  my  friends?  We  must  try  these 
matters,  and  hold  our  passions  back,  that 
we  may  take  counsel  with  our  judgment, 
and  suffer  reason  to  come  down  and  talk 
with  us  in  the  cool  of  the  evening. 

Such,  then,  is  the  love  on  which  marriage 
should  be  contracted;  love  to  the  whole 
person ;  love  to  the  mind,  and  heart,  and 
manners,  as  well  as  to  the  countenance  and 
form ;  love  tempered  with  respect ;  for  this 
only  is  the  attachment  that  is  likely  to  sur 
vive  the  charms  of  novelty,  the  spoliation  of 
disease,  and  the  influence  of  time ;  that  is 
likely  to  support  the  tender  sympathies  and 
exquisite  sensibilities  of  the  conjugal  state ; 
and  render  man  and  wife,  to  the  verge  of 
extreme  old  age,  what  it  was  the  intention 
of  him  who  instituted  the  marriage  union 
they  should  be, — the  help  and  the  comfort 
of  each  other. 

Young  people  should  be  extremely  careful, 
to  let  no  persuasions  of  others,  no  impulse  of 
their  own  covetousness,  no  anxiety  to  be 
their  own  masters  and  mistresses,  no  ambi 
tion  for  secular  splendor,  induce  them  to 
enter  into  a  connexion  to  which  they  are  not 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  15 

drawn  by  the  solicitations  of  a  pure  and  vir 
tuous  love.  What  will  a  large  house,  splen 
did  furniture,  a  gay  equipage,  and  fasliioriable 
entertainments  do  for  their  possessor,  in  the 
absence  of  connubial  love  ?  "  Is  it  for  these 
baubles,  these  toys,"  exclaims  the  wretched 
heart  as  it  awakens,  alas !  too  late,  in  some 
sad  scene  of  domestic  wo,  "  is  it  for  this  I 
have  bartered  away  myself,  my  happiness, 
my  honor  1 " 

"  How  ill  the  scenes  that  offer  rest, 
And  hearts  that  cannot  rest,  agree  f  " 

O,  there  is  a  sweetness,  a  charm,  a  power 
to  please,  in  pure  and  mutual  affection, 
though  it  be  cherished  in  the  humblest 
abode,  and  maintained  amidst  the  plainest 
circumstances,  and  has  to  contend  with  many 
difficulties,  compared  with  which,  the  ele 
gances  and  brilliancies  of  worldly  grandeur 
are  but  as  the  splendor  of  an  Eastern  palace, 
to  one  of  the  bowers  of  the  garden  of  Eden. 
Let  the  man  nobly  determine  to  earn  his 
daily  bread  by  the  sweat  of  his  brow,  and 
find  his  daily  task  sweetened  by  the  thought 
that  it  is  for  the  woman  he  loves,  rather  than 
roll  about  in  his  chariot,  and  live  a  life  of 


16  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

splendid  indolence  and  misery,  with  the 
woman  he  does  ttot  love ;  and  let  the  other 
sex  as  nobly  and  heroically  determine  to 
trust  to  their  own  energies,  but  especially  to 
a  gracious  Providence,  rather  than  marry 
without  affection  for  the  sake  of  a  settle 
ment. 

Then  there  is  another  error  committed  by 
some:  having  been  disappointed  in  a  con 
nexion  which  they  hoped  to  form,  they 
become  reckless  for  the  future,  and,  in  a 
temper  of  mind  bordering  upon  revenge, 
accept  the  first  individual  who  may  present 
himself,  whether  they  love  him  or  not.  This 
is  the  last  degree  of  folly,  and  is  such  an 
act  of  suicidal  violence  upon  their  own 
peace,  as  can  neither  be  described  nor  repro 
bated  in  terms  sufficiently  strong.  This  is 
to  act  like  the  enraged  scorpion,  and  to  turn 
their  sting  upon  themselves ;  and  in  an  act 
of  spleen  to  sacrifice  tfreir  happiness  to 
folly. 

Marriage  should  ever  be  contracted  WITH  ; 

THE    STRICTEST    REGARD    TO    THE    RULES    OF 

PRUDENCE.     Discretion  is  a  virtue  at  which 

none  but  fools   laugh.     In  reference   to  no 

1  subject  is  it  more  frequently  set  aside  and 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  17 

despised,  than  in  that  which,  of  all  that  can 
be  mentioned,  most  needs  its  sober  counsels. 
For  love  to  be  seen  standing  at  the  oracle  of 
wisdom  is  thought,  by  some  romantic  and 
silly  young  people,  to  be  a  thing  altogether 
out  of  place.  If  they  only  were  concerned, 
they  might  be  left  to  their  folly,  to  be 
punished  by  its  fruits ;  but  imprudent  mar 
riages,  as  we  have  already  considered,  spread 
far  and  wide  their  bad  consequences,  and 
also  send  these  consequences  down  to  pos 
terity. 

The  understanding  is  given  to  us  to  control 
the  passions  and  the  imagination  ;  and  they, 
who,  in  an  affair  of  such  consequence  as 
choosing  a  companion  for  life,  set  aside  the 
testimony  of  the  former,  and  listen  only  to 
the  advice  of  the  latter,  have,  in  that  in 
stance,  at  least,  forfeited  the  character  of  a 
rational  being,  and  sunk  to  the  level  of 
those  creatures  who  are  wholly  governed  by 
appetite,  unchecked  by  reason.  Prudence 
would  prevent,  if  it  were  allowed  to  guide 
the  conduct  of  mankind,  a  very  large  portion 
of  human  misery.  In  the  business  before 
us,  it  would  allow  none  to  marry  till  they 
had  a  prospect  of  support.  It  is  perfectly 


13  THE    MARRIAGE    KING. 

obvious  to  me,  that  the  present  generation 
of  young  people  are  not  distinguished  by  a 
discretion  of  this  kind;  they  are  too  much 
in  haste  to  enter  the  conjugal  state,  and 
place  themselves  at  the  heads  of  families, 
before  they  hare  any  rational  hope  of  being 
able  to  support  them.  As  soon  almost  as 
they  arrive  at  the  age  of  manhood,  whether 
they  are  in  business  or  not,  before  they 
hare  ascertained  whether  their  business  will 
succeed  or  not,  they  look  round  for  a  wife, 
and  Bake  a  hasty,  perhaps  an  injudicious 
selection.  Let  young  people  exercise  their 
reason  and  their  foresight;  or,  if  they  will 
not,  but  are  determined  to  rush  into  the 
expenses  of  housekeeping,  before  they  have 
opened  sources  to  meet  them,  let  them  hear, 
in  spite  of  the  syren  song  of  their  imagina 
tion,  the  voice  of  faithful  warning,  and  pre 
pare  to  eat  the  bitter  herbs  of  useless  regrets, 
for  many  a  long  and  weary  jmr  miter  the 
nuptial  feast  has  passed  away. 

Prudence  forbids  all  unequal  marriages. 
There  should  be  am  equality  as  near  as  may 
be  in  AGE.  How  unnatural,  how  odious  is 
it  to  see  a  young  man  fastened  to  a  piece  oi 
antiquity,  so  as  to  perplex  strangers  to 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  19 

determine  whether  he  is  living  with  a  wife 
or  a  mother !  No  one  will  give  the  woman 
in  the  one  case,  or  the  man  in  the  other,  the 
credit  of  marrying  for  love ;  and  the  world 
will  be  ill-natured  enough,  and  one  can 
hardly  help  joining  in  the  censoriousness,  to 
say  that  such  matches  are  mere  pecuniary 
speculations ;  for,  generally  speaking,  the 
old  party  in  the  union  is  a  rich  one ;  and  as 
generally  they  carry  a  scourge  for  the  other 
in  their  purse.  A  fortune  has  often  thus 
been  a  misfortune  for  both. 

Equality  of  RANK  is  desirable,  or  as  near 
to  it  as  possible.  It  is  much  less  perilous 
for  a  rich  man  to  descend  into  the  vale  of 
poverty  for  a  wife,  than  it  is  for  a  rich  wo 
man  to  go  down  for  a  husband.  He  can 
much  more  easily  raise  his  companion  to  his 
own  level,  than  she  can.  Society  will  much 
more  readily  accommodate  themselves  to  his 
error,  than  to  hers.  Much  of  the  happiness 
of  the  conjugal  state  depends  upon  the  rela 
tives  of  the  parties  ;  and  if  the  marriage  has 
offended  them,  if  it  has  degraded  them,  how 
much  of  bitterness  is  it  in  their  power  to 
throw  into  the  cup  of  enjoyment !  Many  a 
wife  has  carried  to  her  grave  the  sting  in- 


20  THE    MARRIAGE    RTNG. 

flicted  upon  her  peace  by  the  insults  of  her 
husband's  friends ;  and  in  all  such  cases,  he 
must  receive  a  part  of  the  venom. 

To  my  brethren  in  the  ministry  I  do 
recommend,  and  recommend  with  an  earnest 
ness  which  I  have  no  language  sufficiently 
emphatic  to  express,  the  greatest  caution  in 
this  most  delicate  and  important  affair.  In 
their  case,  the  effects  of  an  imprudent  mar 
riage  are  felt  in  the  church  of  the  living  God. 
If  the  wives  of  the  deacons  are  to  be  "  grave', 
not  slanderers,  sober,  faithful  in  all  things," 
wiiat  less  can  be  required  of  the  wives  of  the 
pastors  ?  "A  bishop  must  be  blameless,  one 
that  ruleth  well  his  own  house,  having  his 
children  in  subjection  with  all  gravity.  For 
if  a  man  know  not  how  to  rule  his  o^n  house, 
how  shall  he  take  care  of  the  churcJL  >f  God  ?  " 
But  how  can  he  exhibit  in  his  domestic  con 
stitution  the  beautiful  order  and  harmony 
which  should  prevail  in  every  Christian 
family,  and  especially  in  every  minister's 
house,  without  the  intelligent  and  industrious 
co-operation  of  his  wife  ?  And  how  can  this 
be  expected  of  one  who  has  no  intelligence 
or  industry  ?  Not  only  much  of  the  comfort, 
but  of  the  character  of  a  minister,  DEPENDS 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  21 

UPON  HIS  WIFE  ;  and  what  is  of  still  greater 
consequence,  much  of  his  usefulness. 

Marriage  should  always  be  formed  WITH 

A  DUE  REGARD  TO  THE  DICTATES  OF  RELI 
GION.  A  pious  person  should  not  marry  any 
one  who  is  not  also  pious.  It  is  not  desira 
ble  to  be  united  to  an  individual  even  of  a 
different  denomination,  and  who,  as  a  point 
of  conscience,  attends  her  own  place  of  wor 
ship.  It  is  not  pleasant  on  a  Sabbath  morn 
ing  to  separate,  and  go  one  to  one  place  of 
worship,  and  the  other  to  another.  The 
most  delightful  walk  that  a  holy  couple  can 
take,  is  to  the  house  of  God  in  company,  and 
when,  in  reference  to  the  high  themes  of 
redemption  and  the  invisible  realities  of  eter 
nity,  they  take  sweet  counsel  together.  No 
one  would  willingly  lose  this.  But,  oh,  to 
walk  separately  in  a  still  more  important  and 
dreadful  sense!  to  part  at  the  point  where 
the  two  roads  to  eternity  branch  off,  the  one 
to  heaven,  the  other  to  hell;  and  for  the 
believer  "to  travel  on  to  glory,  with  the 
awful  consciousness,  that  the  other  party  is 
journeying  to  perdition!"  This  is  indeed 
dreadful,  and  is  of  itself  sufficient  to  occasion 
no  small  diminution  of  conjugal  felicity. 


22  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


If,  however,  the  comfort  of  the  parties  only 
were  concerned,  it  would  be  a  matter  of  less 
consequence  ;  but  it  is  a  matter  of  conscience, 
and  an  affair  in  which  we  have  no  option. 
"  She  is  at  liberty  to  marry  whom  she  will," 
says  the  apostle,  speaking  to  the  case  of  a 
widow,  "but  only  in  the  Lord."  Now, 
though  this  was  said  in  reference  to  a  female, 
all  the  reasons  of  the  law  belong  with  equal 
force  to  the  other  sex.  This  appears  to  me 
to  be  not  only  advice,  but  law,  and  is  as 
binding  upon  the  conscience  as  any  other 
law  that  we  find  in  the  word  of  God ;  and  the 
incidental  manner  in  which  this  injunction 
occurs  is,  as  has  been  very  properly  remarked, 
to  the  intelligent  reader  of  Scripture,  the 
strongest  confirmation  of  the  rule  in  all 
cases  where  marriage  is  in  prospect,  and 
where  there  has  been  no  engagement  pre 
vious  to  conversion. 

As  to  the  other  passage,  where  the  apostle 
commands  us  not  to  be  unequally  yoked 
together  with  unbelievers,  it  does  not  apply 
to  marriage,  except  by  inference,  but  to 
church  fellowship,  or  rather  to  association  and 
conduct  in  general,  in  reference  to  which, 
professing  Christians  are  not  to  symbolize 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  23 

with  unbelievers.  But  if  this  be  improper 
in  regard  to  other  matters,  how  much  more 
so  in  that  connexion  which  has  so  powerful 
an  influence  over  our  character,  as  well  as 
our  happiness !  For  a  Christian,  then,  to 
marry  an  individual  who  is  not  decidedly 
and  evidently  a  pious  person,  is  a  direct  op 
position  to  the  word  of  God. 

And  as  Scripture  is  against  it,  so  also  is 
reason ;  for  "  how  can  two  walk  together, 
except  they  be  agreed?3'  A  difference  of 
taste  in  minor  matters  is  an  impediment  in 
the  way  of  domestic  comfort ;  but  to  be  op 
posed  to  each  other  on  the  all-important  sub 
ject  of  religion,  is  a  risk,  even  as  it  respects 
our  comfort,  which  no  considerate  person 
should  be  induced,  on  any  considerations,  to 
incur.  How  can  the  higher  ends  of  the 
domestic  constitution  be  answered,  where 
one  of  the  parents  has  not  the  spiritual  qual 
ifications  necessary  for  accomplishing  them  ? 
How  can  the  work  of  religious  education  be 
conducted,  and  the  children  be  trained  in  the 
nurture  and  admonition  of  the  Lord  ? 

And  as  it  respects  individual  and  personal 
assistance  in  religious  matters,  do  we  not 
all  want  helps  instead  of  hindrances?  A 


24  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

Christian  should  make  every  thing1  bend  to 
religion,  but  allow  religion  to  bend  to  noth 
ing.  This  is  the  one  thing  needful,  to  which 
everything  should  be  subordinate  ;  and,  sure 
ly,  to  place  out  of  consideration  the  affairs  of 
his  eternal  salvation,  in  so  important  an 
affair  as  marriage,  shows  either  that  the  reli 
gion  of  a  person  who  acts  thus  is  but  pro 
fession,  or  likely  soon  to  become  so. 

No  one  should  contemplate  the  prospect 
of  such  a  connexion  as  marriage  without  the 
greatest  and  most  serious  deliberation,  nor 
without  the  most  earnest  prayer  to  God  for 
direction.  Prayer,  however,  to  be  accepta 
ble  to  the  Almighty,  should  be  sincere,  and 
should  be  presented  with  a  real  desire  to 
know  and  do  his  will.  Many,  I  believe,  act 
towards  the  Deity  as  they  do  towards  their 
friends  :  they  make  up  their  minds,  and  then 
ask  to  be  directed.  They  have  some  doubts, 
and  very  often  strong  ones,  of  the  propriety 
of  the  step  they  are  about  to  take,  which  are 
gradually  dissipated  by  their  supplications, 
till  they  have  prayed  themselves  into  a 
conviction  that  they  are  quite  right  in  the 
decision,  which  they  have,  in  fact,  already 
made. 


THE    3IARRIAGE    RING.  2o 

To  pray  for  direction  in  an  affair  which  we 
know  to  be  in  opposition  to  God's  word,  and 
on  which  we  have  already  resolved  to  act,  is 
adding  hypocrisy  to  rebellion.  If  there  be 
reason  to  believe  that  the  individual,  who 
solicits  a  Christian  to  unite  herself  with  him 
in  marriage,  is  not  truly  pious,  what  need 
has  she  of  praying  to  be  directed?  This 
seems  like  asking  the  Almighty  to  be  per 
mitted  to  do  that  which  he  has  forbidden  to 
be  done. 

In  the  case  of  WIDOWS  and  WIDOWERS, 
especially  where  there  is  a  family,  peculiar 
prudence  is  necessary.  I  have  known  in 
stances  in  which  such  persons  have  sacrificed 
all  their  own  tastes  and  predilections,  and 
have  made  their  selection^  with  exclusive  ref 
erence  to  their  children.  Such  a  sacrifice  is 
indeed  generous  ;  but  it  may  become  a  ques 
tion  whether  it  is  discreet.  It  is  placing 
their  own  comfort,  and  even  character,  in 
some  degree  of  peril,  neither  of  which  can 
be  lost,  without  most  serious  mischief  to 
those  very  children,  whose  interests  they 
have  so  heroically  consulted.  This,  however, 
is  an  error  much  more  rare  and  venial,  than 
that  of  the  opposite  extreme.  How  un- 


26  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

seemly  and  inconsiderate  is  it  for  a  sexa 
genarian  to  bring  home  a  young  wife,  and 
place  her  over  daughters  older  than  herself, 
and  introduce  into  the  family  circle  aunts 
and  uncles  younger  than  some  of  the  nephews 
and  nieces  !  Rare  is  the  case,  in  which  such 
inexpedient  connexions  are  formed,  without 
the  authors  of  them  losing  much  of  their  own 
reputation,  and  destroying  much  of  the  com 
fort  of  their  families.  Let  not  such  men 
wonder,  if  their  daughters  by  the  first  mar 
riage  are  driven  from  their  home  by  the  con 
sequences  of  the  second,  and  are  led  to  form 
imprudent  matches,  to  which  they  were  led 
by  the  force  of  parental  example,  and  urged 
by  the  consequences  of  parental  folly. 

In  the  selection  of  a  second  companion  for 
life,  where  the  first  had  been  eminent  for 
talents  or  virtues,  much  care  should  be  taken 
that  there  be  no  great  and  striking  inferiority ; 
for,  in  such  a  case, 

"  busy,  meddling1  memory, 
In  barbarous  succession,  musters  up 
The  past  endearments  of  their  softer  hours;" 

which  form  a  contrast  ever  present  and  ever 
painful.  The  man  that  never  knew  by  ex- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  27 

perience  the  joy  of  a  happy  marriage,  can 
never  know  the  ills  of  an  imprudent  one,  as 
aggravated  by  the  power  of  comparison.  Let 
him  that  has  thus  known  them  beware  how 
he  expose  himself  to  such  helpless,  hopeless 
misery. 

Due  care  should  also  be  exercised  in  ref 
erence  to  children's  interests.  Has  the  wo 
man  about  to  be  selected  that  principle,  that 
prudence,  that  self-control,  that  good  temper, 
which,  if  she  become  herself  a  mother,  will 
help  her  to  conceal  her  partialities,  (for  to 
suppress  them  is  impossible,  and  would  be 
unnatural,)  and  to  seem  no  less  kind  to  her 
adopted  offspring  than  to  her  own?  That 
man  acts  a  most  cruel,  a  most  wicked  part 
towards  the  memory  of  his  first  wife,  who 
does  not  provide  for  her  children  a  kind  and 
judicious  friend  in  his  second.  Let  me  be 
come  the  advocate  of  fatherless  or  mother 
less  children,  and  entreat,  for  the  sake  both 
of  the  living  and  the  dead,  a  due  regard  to 
the  comfort  of  these  orphans. 

Nor  should  less  deliberation  be  exercised 
by  the  party  who  is  about  to  take,  or  invited 
to  take,  the  care  of  another  person's  children. 
Have  they  love  enough  for  the  parent  to  bear 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


the  burden  of  care  for  his  sake  ?  Have  they 
kindness  enough,  discretion  enough,  for  such 
a  situation,  and  for  such  an  office  ?  There 
is  no  difficulty  where  the  children  are  lovely 
in  person,  and  amiable  in  temper ;  but  when 
they  have  no  personal  attractions,  no  charms 
of  mind,  no  endearments  of  character,  then 
is  the  time  to  realize  the  truth  of  the  remark, 
"  a  wife  may  be  supplied,  a  mother  cannot." 
The  man  or  the  woman,  that  can  act  a 
parent's  part  towards  a  froward  and  unlovely 
child,  must  have  more  than  nature,  (for  this 
belongs  only  to  a  real  parent,)  they  must  have 
principle  and  kindness,  and  need  have  grace. 
Let  all  who  are  invited  to  take  the  superin 
tendence  of  a  family,  ask  themselves,  if  they 
possess  the  requisites  for  the  comfortable 
and  satisfactory  discharge  of  its  duties.  Let 
them  inquire  whether  it  is  likely  they  can  be 
happy  in  such  a  situation  themselves  ;  for  if 
not,  they  had  far  better  never  enter  it,  as 
their  unhappiness  must  inevitably  fill  the 
whole  family  circle  with  misery. 

It  cannot  be  sufficiently  deplored,  that  all 
suitable  preparation  for  the  marriage  state  is 
usually  put  aside  for  the  busy  activities  of 
vanity,  which,  in  fact,  are  but  as  dust  in  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  29 

balance  of  conjugal  destiny.  Every  thought, 
and  anticipation,  and  anxiety,  is  too  often 
absorbed  in  the  selection  of  a  house  and  fur 
niture,  and  in  matters  still  more  insignificant  j 
and  frivolous.  How  common  is  it  for  a  I 
female  to  spend  those  hours,  day  after  day, 
and  week  after  week,  in  communion  with  her 
milliner,  debating  and  discussing  the  subject 
of  the  color,  and  form,  and  material,  in  which 
she  is  to  shine  forth  in  nuptial  splendor, 
which  ought  to  be  employed  in  meditating 
the  eventful  step,  which  is  to  fix  for  life  her 
destiny,  and  that  of  her  intended  husband ;  as 
if  the  great  object  were  to  appear  a  gay  and 
fashionable  bride,  rather  than  to  be  a  good 
and  happy  wife !  But ; — 

"Joy,  serious  and  sublime, 
Such  as  doth  nerve  the  energies  of  prayer, 
Should  swell  the  bosom,  when  a  maiden's  hand, 
Filled  with  life's  dewy  flowerets,  girdeth  on 
That  harness,  which  the  ministry  of  Death 
Alone  unlooseth,  but  whose  fearful  power 
May  stamp  the  sentence  of  Eternity." 

"  Study,"  said  an  old  author,  "  the  duties 
of  marriage  before  you  enter  into  it.  There 
are  crosses  to  be  borne,  there  are  snares  to 
be  avoided,  and  manifold  obligations  to  be 
discharged,  as  well  as  great  felicity  to  be 


30  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

enjoyed.  And  should  no  provision  be  made  ? 
For  want  of  this,  result  the  frequent  disap 
pointments  of  that  honorable  estate.  Hence 
that  repentance  which  is  at  once  too  soon, 
and  too  late.  The  husband  knows  not  how  to 
rule ;  and  the  wife  knows  not  how  to  obey." 

"  Women  are  not  for  rule  designed, 
Nor  yet  for  blind  submission.    Happy  they 
Who,  while  they  feel  it  pleasure  to  obey, 
Have  yet  a  kind  companion  at  their  side, 
Who  in  the  journey  will  his  power  divide, 
Or  yield  the  reins,  and  bid  the  lady  guide  J 
Then  points  the  wonders  of  the  way,  and  makes 
The  duty  pleasant  that  she  undertakes  ; 
He  shows  the  objects  as  they  pass  along, 
And  gently  rules  the  movements  that  are  wrong; 
He  tells  her  all  the  skilful  driver's  art, 
And  smiles  to  see  how  well  she  acts  her  part  J 
Nor  praise  denies  to  courage  or  to  skill, 
In  using-  power,  that  lie  resumes  at  will." 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  31 

CHAPTER  II. 

THE   FAMILY   CIRCLE. 
"  Home 


There  's  magic  in  that  littl 
It  is  a  mystic  circle  which 
Comforts  and  virtues,  neve 
Beyond  the  hallowed  lin 


word ; 
irrounds 


known 


A  FAMILY  !  How  delightful  the  associa 
tions  we  form  with  such  a  word !  How 
pleasing  the  images  with  which  it  crowds 
the  mind,  and  how  tender  the  emotions  which 
it  awakens  in  the  heart !  Who  can  wonder 
that  domestic  happiness  should  be  a  theme 
dear  to  poetry,  and  that  it  should  have  called 
forth  some  of  the  sweetest  strains  of  fancy 
and  of  feeling?  Or  who  can  be  surprised, 
that  of  all  the  objects  which  present  them 
selves  in  the  vista  of  futurity  to  the  eye  of 
those  who  are  setting  out  on  the  journey  of 
life,  this  should  excite  the  most  ardent  de 
sires,  and  engage  the  most  active  pursuits  ? 
But,  alas,  of  those  who,  in  the  ardor  of  youth, 
start  for  the  possession  of  this  dear  prize, 


32  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

how  many  fail!  And  why?  Because  their 
imagination  alone  is  engaged  on  the  subject : 
they  have  no  definite  ideas  of  what  it  means, 
nor  of  the  way  in  which  it  is  to  be  obtained. 
It  is  a  mere  lovely  creation  of  a  romantic 
mind,  and  oftentimes,  with  such  persons, 
fades  away, 

"  And,  like  the  baseless  fabric  of  a  vision, 
Leaves  not  a  wreck  behind." 

It  may  be  of  service,  therefore,  to  lay  open 
the  sources  of  domestic  happiness,  and  to 
show  that  these  are  to  be  found,  not  in  the 
flowery  regions  of  imagination,  but  in  the 
sober  realities  of  piety,  chaste  love,  prudence, 
and  well  formed  connexions.  These  precious 
springs  are  within  the  reach  of  all  who  will 
take  the  right  path  that  leads  to  them ;  and 
this  is  the  way  of  knowledge.  We  must 
make  ourselves  acquainted  with  the  nature, 
designs,  and  importance  of  the  family  com 
pact.;  we  must  analyze  this  union  to  ascer 
tain  its  elements,  its  laws,  and  its  purposes. 
Who  can  be  a  good  member  of  any  state, 
without  knowing  the  nature  of  its  constitu 
tion,  and  the  laws  by  which  it  is  directed? 
And  it  is  equally  vain  to  look  for  domestic 
happiness,  without  a  clear  insight  into  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  33 

ends  and  laws  which  Providence  has  laid 
down  in  the  formation  of  the  household. 

In  the  discussions  which  have  been  ugi- 
tated,  to  settle  the  question,  as  to  the  form 
of  civil  government  best  adapted  to  secure 
the  welfare  of  the  human  race,  the  FAMILY 
CONSTITUTION  has  been  too  much  over 
looked.  Speculation  has  been  indulged,  and 
theories  proposed  by  their  respective  authors, 
in  reference  to  the  greater  aggregations  of 
society,  with  all  the  confidence  of  oracular 
authority;  while,  at  the  same  time,  it  is 
evident  they  have  forgotten,  how  much  the 
well-being  of  states  is  dependent  on  the  well- 
being  of  the  families  of  which  all  states  are 
composed. 

If  there  be  any  truth  in  the  figure,  by 
which  a  nation  is  compared  to  a  pillar,  we 
should  recollect  that,  while  individuals  are 
the  materials  of  which  it  is  formed,  it  is  the 
good  condition  of  families  that  constitutes 
the  cement,  which  holds  it  together,  and 
gives  to  its  fine  form  solidity  and  durability. 
Let  this  be  wanting,  and  however  inherently 
excellent  the  materials,  however  elegant  the 
shape,  however  ornamental  the  base,  the 
shaft,  or  the  capital  may  be,  it  contains  in 


34  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

itself  a  principle  of  decay,  an  active  cause  of 
dilapidation  and  ruin. 

The  domestic  constitution  is  a  divine 
institute.  God  formed  it  himself.  "  He 
taketh  the  solitary,  and  setteth  him  in  fami 
lies  ;"  and,  like  all  the  rest  of  his  works,  it 
is  well  and  wisely  done.  It  is,  as  a  system 
of  government,  quite  unique ;  neither  below 
the  heavens  nor  above  them  is  there  anything 
precisely  like  it.  In  some  respects,  it  re 
sembles  the  civil  government  of  a  state ;  in 
others,  the  ecclesiastical  rule  of  a  church ; 
and  it  is  there  the  church  and  the  state  may 
be  said  to  meet.  This  meeting,  however,  is 
only  on  a  very  small  scale,  and  under  very 
peculiar  circumstances.  When  directed  as 
it  should  be,  every  family  has  a  sacred  char 
acter,  inasmuch  as  the  head  of  it  acts  the 
part  oi  both  the  prophet  and  priest  of  the 
household,  by  instructing  them  in  the  know 
ledge,  and  leading  them  in  the  worship  of 
God ;  while,  at  the  same  time,  he  discharges 
the  duties  of  a  king  by  supporting  a  system 
of  order,  subordination,  and  discipline. 

Conformably  with  its  nature  is  its  design. 
Beyond  the  benefit  of  the  individuals  which 
compose  it,  and  which  is  its  first  and  imme- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  35 

diate  object,  it  is  intended  to  promote  the 
welfare  of  the  national  community  to  which 
it  belongs,  and  of  which  it  is  a  part.  Hence 
every  nation  has  stamped  a  great  value  on 
the  family  compact,  and  guarded  it  with  the 
most  powerful  sanctions.  Well-instructed, 
well-ordered,  and  well-governed  families  are 
the  springs,  which,  from  their  retirements, 
send  forth  the  tributary  streams  that  make 
up,  by  their  confluence,  the  majestic  flow  of 
national  greatness  and  prosperity ;  nor  can 
any  state  be  prosperous,  where  family  order 
and  subordination  are  generally  neglected ; 
nor  otherwise  than  prosperous,  whatever  be 
its  political  forms,  where  these  are  generally 
maintained. 

It  is  certainly  under  the  wise  instruction 
and  the  impartial  sceptre  of  a  father,  and 
within  the  little  family  circle,  that  the  son 
becomes  a  good  citizen ;  it  is  by  the  fireside, 
and  upon  the  family  hearth,  that  loyalty  and 
patriotism,  and  every  public  virtue,  grows ; 
as  it  is  in  disordered  families  that  factious 
demagogues,  and  turbulent  rebels,  and  tyran 
nical  oppressors,  are  trained  up,  to  be  their 
neighbors'  torment,  or  their  country's  scourge. 
It  is  there  that  the  thorn  and  the  brier,  to 


36  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

use  the  elegant  simile  of  the  prophet,  or  the 
myrtle  and  the  fir-tree,  are  reared,  which  are 
in  future  time  to  be  the  ornament  and  de 
fence,  or  the  deformity  and  misery,  of  the 
land. 

But  has  the  domestic  constitution  a  refer 
ence  only  to  the  present  world  and  its  per 
ishable  interests  ?  By  no  means.  All  God's 
•arrangements  for  man  view  him,  and  are 
chiefly  intended  for  him,  in  his  relation  to 
eternity.  The  eye  of  Deity  is  upon  that 
immortality  to  which  he  has  destined  the 
human  race.  Every  family  has,  in  fact,  a 
sacred  character  belonging  to  it,  which  may 
indeed  be  forgotten  or  disdained  ;  but  the 
family  is  constituted,  and  ought,  therefore, 
to  be  conducted,  with  the  prospect  of  the 
rising  generation  following  that  which  pre 
cedes  it,  not  only  to  the  grave,  but  to  eter 
nity. 

Every  member  of  every  household  is  an 
immortal  creature  ;  every  one,  that  leaves 
the  circle  by  death,  goes  into  an  eternity  of 
torment  or  of  bliss.  Now,  since  all  the 
institutes  of  God  look  to  another  world  as 
their  chief  and  ultimate  reference,  surely, 
that  institute  which  is  the  most  powerful  of 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  37 

all,  in  the  formation  of  character,  must 
be  considered  as  set  up  with  a  special  in 
tention  to  prepare  the  subjects  of  it  for 
"  glory,  honor,  immortality,  and  eternal 
life." 

Where  religion  is  wanting  as  the  basis  of 
the  marriage  union,  the  happy  fruits  of  it 
cannot  be  expected.  How  many  interesting 
households  are  to  be  found,  where  all  the 
mere  social  virtues  are  cultivated  with  as 
siduity,  where  the  domestic  charities  all 
nourish,  and  public  excellence  is  cherished ; 
but  which,  on  account  of  the  want  of  vital 
godliness,  are  still  losing  the  highest  end  of 
their  union,  and  carrying  on  no  preparatory 
course  of  education  for  the  skies,  and  are 
destined  to  be  swept  away  with  the  wreck 
of  the  nations  that  knew  not  God,  and  with 
the  wicked  who  shall  be  turned  into  hell. 
Alas,  alas!  that  from  such  sweet  scenes, 
such  lovely  retreats  of  connubial  love  and 
domestic  peace,  to  which  learning,  science, 
wealth,  elegance,  have  been  admitted,  reli 
gion  should  be  excluded ;  and  that  while 
many  wise  and  interesting  guests  are  contin 
ually  welcomed  to  the  house,  He  only  should 
be  refused,  who  blessed  the  little  family  of 


33  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

Bethany;  and  who,  wherever  he  goes,  car 
ries  salvation  m  his  train,  and  gives  immor 
tality  to  the  joys  which  would  otherwise 
perish  forever. 

Precious,  indeed,  are  the  joys  of  a  happy 
family ;  but,  oh,  how  fleet !  How  soon  must 
the  circle  be  broken  up,  how  suddenly  may 
it  be !  What  scenes  of  delight,  resembling 
gay  visions  of  fairy  bliss,  have  all  been 
unexpectedly  wrapt  in  shadow  and  gloom, 
by  misfortune,  by  sickness,  by  death!  The 
last  enemy  has  entered  the  paradise,  and,  by 
expelling  one  of  its  tenants,  has  imbittered 
the  scene  to  the  rest.  The  ravages  of  death 
have  been  in  some  cases  followed  by  the 
desolations  of  poverty ;  and  they,  who  once 
dwelt  together  in  the  happy  enclosure,  have 
been  separated  and  scattered  to  meet  no 
more.  But  religion,  true  religion,  if  it  be 
possessed,  will  gather  them  together  again, 
after  this  destruction  of  their  earthly  ties, 
and  conduct  them  to  another  paradise,  into 
which  no  calamity  shall  enter,  and  from 
which  no  joy  shall  ever  depart. 

Happy  then  would  it  be,  for  all  who  stand 
related  by  these  household  ties,  if  the  bonds 
of  nature  were  hallowed  and  rendered  per- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  39 

manent  by  those  of  divine  gracel  To  found 
our  union  on  any  basis  which  does  not  con 
tain  religion  in  its  formation,  is  to  erect  it  on 
a  quicksand,  and  to  expose  it  to  the  fury  of  a 
thousand  billows,  each  of  which  may  over 
turn  the  fabric  of  our  comfort  in  a  moment : 
but  to  rest  it  upon  religion,  is  to  found  it 
upon  a  rock,  where  we  shall  individually  . 
still  find  a  refuge,  when  the  nearest  and  the 
dearest  relations  are  swept  away  by  the  tide 
of  dissolution. 

It  is  a  pleasing  reflection,  that  the  domestic 
constitution  depends  not  for  its  existence, 
its  laws,  its  right  administration,  or  its  rich 
advantages,  either  upon  family  possessions, 
or  the  forms  of  national  policy.  It  may  live 
and  flourish  in  all  its  tender  charities,  and 
all  its  sweet  felicities,  and  all  its  moral 
power,  in  the  cottage  as  well  as  in  the  man 
sion  ;  under  the  shadow  of  liberty,  and  even 
under  the  scorching  heat  of  tyranny.  Like 
the  church,  of  which  it  is  in  some  respects 
the  emblem,  it  accommodates  itself  to  every 
changing  form  of  surrounding  society,  to 
every  nation  and  to  every  age.  Forming 
with  the  church  the  only  two  institutions 
ever  set  up  by  God,  as  to  their  framework, 


40  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

like  its  kindred  institute,  it  remains  amidst 
the  ruins  of  the  fall,  the  lapse  of  ages,  and 
the  changes  of  human  affairs,  the  monument 
of  what  has  been,  the  standing  prediction  of 
what  will  be. 

Domestic  happiness,  in  many  respects, 
resembles  the  manna  which  was  granted  to 
the  Israelites  in  the  wilderness ;  like  that 
precious  food,  it  is  the  gift  of  God  which 
cometh  down  from  heaven ;  it  is  not  to  be 
purchased  with  money ;  it  is  dispensed  alike 
to  the  rich  and  to  the  poor,  and  accom 
modates  itself  to  every  taste ;  it  is  given 
with  an  abundance  that  meets  the  wants  of 
all  who  desire  it;  to  be  obtained,  it  must 
be  religiously  sought  in  God's  own  way 
of  bestowing  it ;  and  is  granted  to  man 
as  a  refreshment  during  his  pilgrimage 
through  this  wilderness  to  the  celestial  Ca 
naan. 


"By  thee 

Founded  in  reason,  loyal,  just,  and  pure, 
Relations  dear,  and  all  the  charities 
Of  father,  son,  and  brother  first  were  known. 
Far  be  it,  that  I  should  write  thee  »in  or  blame, 
Or  think  thee  unbefitting  holiest  place, 
Perpetual  fountain  of  domestic  sweets!  " 

Milton. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


CHAPTER  HI. 

MUTUAL   DUTIES   OF   HUSBAND   AND   WIFE. 

'*  See  that  ye  love  one  another  with  a  pure  heart  fervently." 

St.  Peter. 

MARRIAGE  is  THE  FOUNDATION  OF  THE 
DOMESTIC  CONSTITUTION;  this,  says  the 
apostle,  "is  honorable  in  all;"  and  he  has 
condemned,  as  "  a  doctrine  of  devils,"  the 
opinions  of  those  by  whom  it  is  forbidden. 
It  is  an  institute  of  God,  was  established  in 
Eden,  was  honored  by  the  personal  attend 
ance  of  Christ,  and  furnished  an  occasion  for 
the  first  of  that  splendid  series  of  miracles, 
by  which  he  proved  himself  to  be  the  Son  of 
God,  and  the  Saviour  of  the  world.  But 
there  is  another  mark  of  distinction  put  upon 
it  by  the  Holy  Ghost,  where  it  is  said,  "  This 
is  a  great  mystery,  but  I  speak  concerning 
Christ  and  the  church."  Ephes.  v.  32. 

Many  consider  the  term  mystery  as  having 
no  allusion  to  the  nuptial  tie,  but  as  apply 
ing  exclusively  to  the  union  of  Christ  and  the 


42  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

church.  If  this  be  the  case,  it  seems  diffi 
cult  to  account  for  the  introduction  of  this 
union  at  all,  or  to  explain  what  bearing  it 
has  upon  the  subject  in  hand.  Besides,  the 
two-fold  reference  to  the  mediatorial  under 
taking  of  Christ,  which  is  made  by  the  apos 
tle,  when  he  enforces  the  duties  of  husband 
and  wife,  seems  to  confirm  the  opinion,  that 
he  represents  the  conjugal  union  as  a  type 
or  symbol  of  the  close  and  endearing  relation 
in  which  the  church  stands  to  its  divine 
Redeemer.  Nothing  can  throw  a  higher 
sanctity  over  this  connexion,  nor  invest  it 
with  greater  honor,  than  such  a  view  of  it. 

Distinguishing,  as  it  does,  man  from 
brutes ;  providing,  not  only  for  the  continu 
ance,  but  for  the  comfort  of  our  species  ;  con 
taining,  at  once,  the  source  of  human  happi 
ness,  and  of  all  those  virtuous  emotions  and 
generous  sensibilities,  which  refine  and  adorn 
the  character  of  man,  it  can  never,  as  a  gen 
eral  subject,  be  guarded  with  too  much  soli 
citous  vigilance,  nor  be  contracted,  in  partic 
ular  instances,  with  too  much  prudence  and 
care. 

In  proportion  to  the  importance  of  the 
connexion  itself,  must  be  a  right  view  and  a 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  43 

due  performance  of  the  obligations  arising 
out  of  it. 

The  first,  and  the  ground  of  all  the  rest,  is 
LOVE.  Let  this  be  wanting,  and  marriage 
is  degraded  at  once  into  a  brutal  or  a  sordid 
compact. 

"  Love  is  a  plant  of  holier  birth 
Than  any  that  takes  root  on  earth  J 
A  flower  from  heaven,  which  't  is  a  crime 
To  number  with  the  things  of  time." 

This  duty,  which,  though  for  reasons  we 
shall  consider  in  due  place,  is  especially 
enjoined  on  the  husband,  belongs  equally  to 
the  wife.  It  must  be  mutual,  or  there  can 
be  no  happiness;  none  for  the  party  which 
does  not  love ;  for  how  dreadful  the  idea  of 
being  chained  for  life  to  an  individual  for 
whom  we  have  no  affection;  to  be  almost 
ever  in  the  company  of  a  person  from  whom 
we  are  driven  back  by  revulsion,  yet  driven 
back  upon  a  bond  which  prevents  all  separa 
tion  and  escape.  Nor  can  there  be  any  hap 
piness  for  the  party  that  does  love ;  such  an 
unrequited  affection  must  soon  expire,  or 
live  only  to  consume  that  wretched  heart  in 
which  it  burns. 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 


A  married  couple  without  mutual  regard  is 
one  of  the  most  pitiable  spectacles  on  earth. 
They  cannot,  and,  indeed,  in  ordinary  cir 
cumstances,  ought  not  to  separate,  and  yet 
they  remain  united  only  to  be  a  torment  to 
each  other.  They  serve  one  important  pur 
pose,  however,  in  the  history  of  mankind, 
and  that  is,  to  be  a  beacon  to  all  who  are  yet 
disengaged,  to  warn  them  against  the  sin 
and  folly  of  forming  this  union,  upon  any 
other  basis  than  that  of  a  pure  and  mutual 
attachment;  and  to  admonish  all  that  are 
united,  to  watch  with  most  assiduous  vigi 
lance  their  mutual  regard,  that  nothing  be 
allowed  to  damp  the  sacred  flame. 

As  the  union  should  be  formed  on  the  basis 
of  love,  so  should  great  care  be  taken,  espe 
cially  in  the  early  stages  of  it,  that  nothing 
might  arise  to  unsettle  or  loosen  our  attach 
ments.  Whatever  knowledge  we  may  obtain 
of  each  other's  tastes  and  habits  before  mar 
riage,  it  is  neither  so  accurate,  so  comprehen 
sive,  nor  so  impressive,  as  that  which  we 
acquire  by  living  together ;  and  it  is  of  pro 
digious  consequence,  that  when  little  defects 
are  first  noticed,  and  trivial  faults  and  oppo 
sitions  first  occur,  they  should  not  be  allowed 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  45 

to  produce  an  unfavorable  impression  upon 
the  mind. 

Man  and  wife  are  equally  concerned  to 
avoid  all  offences  of  each  other  in  the  begin 
ning  of  their  conversation.  Every  little  thing 
can  blast  an  infant  blossom ;  and  the  breath 
of  the  south  can  shake  the  little  rings  of  the 
vine,  when  first  they  begin  to  curl  like  the 
locks  of  a  new- weaned  boy;  but  when  by 
age  and  consolidation  they  stiffen  into  the 
hardness  of  a  stem,  and  have,  by  the  warm 
rays  of  the  sun,  and  the  kisses  of  heaven, 
brought  forth  their  clusters,  they  can  endure 
the  storms  of  the  north,  and  the  loud  noises 
of  a  tempest,  and  yet  never  be  broken.  So 
are  the  early  unions  of  an  unfixed  marriage  ; 
watchful  and  observant,  jealous  and  busy, 
inquisitive  and  careful,  and  apt  to  take  alarm 
at  every  unkind  word. 

For  infirmities  do  not  manifest  themselves 
in  the  first  scenes,  but  in  the  succession  of  a 
long  society ;  and  it  is  not  chance  or  weak 
ness  when  it  appears  at  first,  but  it  is  want 
of  love  or  prudence,  or  it  will  be  so  ex 
pounded  ;  and  that  which  appears  ill  at  first 
usually  affrights  the  inexperienced  man  or 
woman,  who  makes  unequal  conjectures,  and 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


fancies  mighty  sorrows,  by  the  proportions 
of  the  new  and  early  unkindness. 

It  is  a  very  great  passion,  or  a  huge  folly, 
or  a  certain  want  of  love,  that  cannot  pre 
serve  the  colors  and  beauties  of  kindness,  so 
long  as  public  honesty  requires  a  man  to 
wear  their  sorrows  for  the  death  of  a  friend. 
Plutarch  compares  a  new  marriage  to  a  ves 
sel  before  the  hoops  are  on ;  everything  dis 
solves  its  tender  com  paginations ;  but  when 
the  joints  are  stiffened,  and  are  tied  by  a 
firm  compliance  and  proportioned  bending, 
scarcely  can  it  be  dissolved  without  fire,  or 
the  violence  of  iron.  After  the  hearts  of  the 
man  and  the  wife  are  endeared  and  hardened 
by  a  mutual  confidence,  and  experience,  longer 
than  artifice  and  pretence  can  last,  there  are  a 
great  many  remembrances,  and  some  things 
present,  that  dash  all  little  unkindnesses  in 
pieces. 

Let  man  and  wife  be  careful  to  stifle  little 
things,  that,  as  fast  as  they  spring,  they  be 
cut  down  and  trod  upon ;  for  if  they  be  suf 
fered  to  grow  by  numbers,  they  make  the 
spirit  peevish,  and  the  society  troublesome, 
and  the  affections  loose  and  uneasy  by  an 
habitual  aversion. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  47 

Some  men  are  more  vexed  with  a  fly  than 
with  a  wound ;  and  when  the  gnats  disturb 
our  sleep,  and  the  reason  is  disquieted,  but 
not  perfectly  awakened,  it  is  often  seen  that 
he  is  fuller  of  trouble  than  if,  in  the  daylight 
of  his  reason,  he  were  to  contest  with  a  po 
tent  enemy.  In  the  frequent  little  accidents 
of  a  family,  a  man's  reason  cannot  always  be 
awake ;  and  when  his  discourses  are  imper 
fect,  and  a  trifling  trouble  makes  him  yet 
more  restless,  he  is  soon  betrayed  to  the 
violence  of  passion.  It  is  certain  that  the 
man  or  woman  are  in  a  state  of  weakness 
and  folly  then,  when  they  can  be  troubled 
with  a  trifling  accident;  and  therefore  it  is 
not  good  to  tempt  their  affections,  when  they 
are  in  that  state  of  clanger. 

In  this  case  the  caution  is,  to  subtract  fuel 
from  the  sudden  flame ;  for  stubble,  though 
it  be  quickly  kindled,  yet  it  is  as  soon  ex 
tinguished,  if  it  be  not  blown  by  a  pertina 
cious  breath,  or  fed  with  new  materials. 
Add  no  new  provocations  to  the  accident, 
and  do  not  inflame  this,  and  peace  will  soon 
return,  and  the  discontent  will  pass  away 
soon,  as  the  sparks  from  the  collision  of  a 
flint;  ever  remembering,  that  discontents, 


48  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

proceeding  from  daily  little  things,  do  breed 
a  secret  undiscernible  disease,  which  is  more 
dangerous  than  a  fever  proceeding  from  a 
discerned  notorious  surfeit. 

If  they  would  preserve  love,  let  them  be 
sure  to  study  most  accurately  each  other's 
tastes  and  distastes,  and  most  anxiously 
abstain  from  whatever,  even  in  the  minutest 
things,  they  know  to  be  contrary  to  them. 
The  ancients,  in  their  conjugal  allegories, 
used  to  represent  Mercury  standing  by  Venus, 
to  signify  that  by  fair  language,  and  sweet 
entreaties,  the  minds  of  each  other  should  be 
united. 

If  they  would  preserve  love,  let  them  most 
carefully  avoid  all  curious  and  frequently 
repeated  distinctions  of  MINE  and  THINE  ; 
for  this  hath  caused  all  the  laws,  and  all  the 
suits,  and  all  the  wars  in  the  world ;  let 
them,  who  have  but  one  person,  have  also 
but  one  interest.  Instances  may  occur  in 
which  there  may  and  must  be  a  separate 
investiture  of  property,  and  a  sovereign  inde 
pendent  right  of  disposal  in  the  woman.  In 
this  case,  the  most  anxious  care  should  be 
taken  by  the  husband  not  to  attempt  to 
invade  that  right,  and  by  the  wife,  neither 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  49 

ostentatiously  to  speak  of  it,  nor  rigidly  to 
claim  it,  nor  selfishly  to  exercise  it. 

In  ordinary  cases,  "  they  should  be  heirs 
to  each  other,  if  they  die  childless ;  and  if 
there  be  children,  the  wife  should  be  with 
them  a  partner  in  the  inheritance.  But  dur 
ing  their  life,  the  use  and  employment  is 
common  to  both  their  necessities,  and  in  this 
there  is  no  other  difference  of  right,  but  that 
the  man  hath  the  dispensation  of  all,  and 
may  keep  it  from  his  wife,  just  as  the  gov 
ernor  of  a  town  may  keep  it  from  the  right 
owner ;  he  hath  the  power ,  but  not  the  right 
to  do  so." 

MUTUAL  RESPECT  is  a  duty  of  married 
life  ;  for  though,  as  we  shall  afterwards  con 
sider,  especial  reverence  is  due  from  the 
wife,  yet  is  respect  due  from  the  husband 
also.  As  it  is  difficult  to  respect  those  who 
are  not  entitled  to  it  on  any  other  ground 
than  superior  rank  or  common  relationship, 
it  is  of  immense  consequence  that  we  should 
present  to  each  other  that  conduct  which 
deserves  respect  and  commands  it. 

Moral  esteem  is  one  of  the  firmest  sup 
ports  and  strongest  guards  of  love;  and  a 
high  degree  of  excellence  cannot  fail  to  pro- 


50  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

duce  such  esteem.  We  are  more  accurately 
known  to  each  other  in  this  connexion,  than 
either  to  the  world,  or  even  to  our  own  ser 
vants  and  children.  The  privacies  of  such 
a  relationship  lay  open  our  motives,  and  all 
the  interior  of  our  character ;  so  that  we  are 
better  known  to  each  other  than  we  are  to 
ourselves.  If,  therefore,  we  would  be  re 
spected,  we  should  be  respectable. 

Charity  covers  a  multitude  of  faults,  it  is 
true ;  but  we  must  not  presume  too  far  upon 
the  credulity  and  blindness  of  affection ; 
there  is  a  point  beyond  which  even  love  can 
not  be  blind  to  the  crimson  coloring  of  a 
guilty  action.  Every  piece  of  real  sinful 
conduct,  the  impropriety  of  which  cannot  be 
mistaken,  tends  to  sink  us  in  each  other's 
esteem,  and  thus  to  remove  the  safeguards 
of  affection.  Perhaps  this  has  not  been 
sufficiently  thought  of  in  wedded  life,  the 
parties  of  which  have  been  sometimes  anx 
ious  merely  to  cover  their  delinquencies  from 
the  world,  forgetful  that  it  is  a  dreadful 
thing  to  lose  their  mutual  respect.  It  is  de 
lightfully  striking  to  observe  how  some  pairs 
of  eminent  moral  worth,  regard  each  other ; 
what  reverence  is  blended  with  their  love, 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  51 

and  how  like  to  angel  forms  of  heavenly 
excellence  they  appear  to  one  another. 

In  all  the  conduct  of  the  conjugal  state, 
then,  there  should  be  the  most  marked  and 
unvarying  mutual  respect,  even  in  little 
things :  there  must  be  no  searching  after 
faults,  nor  examining,  with  microscopic  scru 
tiny,  such  as  cannot  be  concealed;  no  re 
proachful  epithets  ;  no  rude  contempt ;  no 
incivility ;  no  cold  neglect :  there  should  be 
courtesy  without  ceremony ;  politeness  with 
out  formality ;  attention  without  slavery :  it 
should,  in  short,  be  the  tenderness  of  love, 
supported  by  esteem,  and  guided  by  polite 
ness. 

And,  then,  we  must  maintain  our  mutual 
respectability  before  others :  strangers, 
friends,  servants,  children,  must  all  be  taught 
to  respect  us,  from  what  they  see  in  our  own 
behavior.  It  is  in  the  highest  degree  im 
proper  for  either  party  to  do  an  action,  to  say 
a  word,  or  assume  a  look,  that  shall  have 
the  remotest  tendency  to  lower  the  other  in 
public  esteem. 

MUTUAL  ATTACHMENT  TO  EACH  OTHER'S 
SOCIETY  is  a  common  duty  of  husband  and 
wife. 


52  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

We  are  united  to  be  companions ;  to  live 
together,  to  walk  together,  to  talk  together. 
The  husband  is  commanded  "  to  dwell  with 
the  wife  according  to  knowledge."  This, 
says  Mr.  Jay,  intends  nothing  less  than 
residence,  opposed  to  absence  and  roving. 
It  is  absurd,  for  those  who  have  no  prospect 
of  dwelling  together,  to  enter  this  state ; 
and  those  who  are  already  in  it,  should  not 
be  unnecessarily  abroad.  Circumstances  of 
various  kinds  will  doubtless  render  occa 
sional  excursions  unavoidable  ;  but  let  a  man 
return  as  soon  as  the  design  of  his  absence 
is  accomplished ;  and  let  him  always  travel 
with  the  words  of  Solomon  in  his  mind, 
"  As  a  bird  that  wandereth  from  her  nest,  so 
is  a  man  that  wandereth  from  his  place." 
Can  a  man,  while  from  home,  discharge  the 
duties  he  owes  to  his  household  ?  Can  he 
discipline  his  children?  Can  he  maintain 
the  worship  of  God  in  his  family  ? 

I  know  it  is  the  duty  of  the  wife  to  lead  the 
devotion  in  the  absence  of  the  husband ;  and 
she  should  take  it  up  as  a  cross,  if  not,  for 
the  time,  as  a  privilege.  Few,  however,  are 
thus  disposed,  and  hence  one  of  the  sanctu 
aries  of  God,  for  weeks  and  months  together, 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  53 

is  shut  up. — 1  am  sorry  to  say  that  there 
are  some  husbands  who  seem  fonder  of  any 
society  than  the  company  of  their  wives. 
It  appears  in  the  disposal  of  their  leisure 
hours.  How  few  of  these  are  appropriated 
to  the  wife!  The  evenings  are  the  most 
domestic  periods  of  the  day.  To  these  the 
wife  is  peculiarly  entitled;  she  is  now  most 
free  from  her  numerous  cares,  and  most  at 
liberty  to  enjoy  reading  and  conversation. 
It  is  a  sad  reflection  upon  a  man,  when  he 
is  fond  of  spending  his  evenings  abroad.  It 
implies  something  bad,  and  it  predicts  some 
thing  worse. 

And  to  ensure,  as  far  as  possible,  the 
society  of  her  husband  at  his  own  fire-side, 
let  the  wife  be  "  a  keeper  at  home,"  and  do 
all  in  her  power  to  render  that  fire-side  as 
attractive  as  good  temper,  neatness,  and 
cheerful,  affectionate  conversation  can  make 
it ;  let  her  strive  to  make  his  own  home  the 
soft  green  on  which  his  heart  loves  to  repose 
in  the  sunshine  of  domestic  enjoyment. 

We  can  easily  imagine  that  even  in  Para 
dise,  when  man  had  no  apparition  of  guilt, 
no  visions  of  crime,  no  spectral  voice  from  a 
troubled  conscience,  to  make  him  dread  soli- 


54  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

tude  and  flee  from  it,  that  even  then,  Adam 
liked  not,  on  his  return  from  the  labor  of 
dressing1  the  garden,  to  find  Eve  absent  frt m 
their  bower,  but  wanted  the  smile  of  her 
countenance  to  light  up  his  own,  and  the 
music  of  her  voice  to  be  the  melody  of  his 
soul.  Think,  then,  how  much  more  in  his 
fallen  estate,  with  guilt  upon  his  conscience, 
and  care  pressing  upon  his  heart,  does  man 
now,  on  coming  from  the  scenes  of  his 
anxious  toil,  need  the  aid  of  woman's  com 
panionship,  to  drive  away  the  swarm  of  buz 
zing  cares  that  light  upon  the  heart  to  sting 
it ;  to  smooth  the  brow  ruffled  with  sadness ; 
to  tranquillize  the  bosom  agitated  with  pas 
sion  ;  and  at  once  to  reprove  and  comfort  the 
mind  that  has  in  some  measure  yielded  to 
temptation. 

O  woman!  thou  knowest  the  hour  when 
the  "  good  man  of  the  house  "  will  return  at 
midday,  when  the  sun  is  yet  bowing  down 
the  laborer  with  the  fierceness  of  his  beams, 
or  at  evening,  when  the  heat  and  burden  of 
the  day  are  past :  do  not  let  him,  at  such  a 
time,  when  he  is  weary  with  exertion,  and 
faint  with  discouragement,  find,  upon  his  com 
ing  to  his  habitation,  that  the  foot,  which 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING  55 

should  hasten  to  meet  him,  is  wandering  at  a 
distance ;  that  the  soft  hand,  which  should 
wipe  away  the  sweat  from  his  brow,  is  knock 
ing"  at  the  door  of  other  houses ;  nor  let  him 
find  a  wilderness,  where  he  should  enter  a 
garden ;  confusion,  where  he  ought  to  see  or 
der  ;  or  that  which  disgusts,  where  he  might 
hope  to  behold  neatness  that  delights  and 
attracts.  If  this  be  the  case,  who  can  won 
der,  that,  in  the  anguish  of  disappointment, 
and  in  the  bitterness  of  a  neglected  and  heart- 
stricken  husband,  he  turns  away  from  his  own 
door,  for  that  comfort  which  he  wished  to  en 
joy  at  home,  and  that  society  which  he  hoped 
to  find  in  his  wife,  and  puts  up  with  the  sub 
stitutes  for  both,  which  he  finds  in  the  houses 
of  others  ? 

United  to  be  associates,  let  man  and  wife 
be  as  much  in  each  other's  society  as  possi 
ble.  I  thank  God,  I  am  a  stranger  to  that 
taste,  which  leads  a  man  to  flee  from  his 
own  comfortable  parlor,  and  the  society  of 
his  wife,  from  the  instruction  and  recreation 
contained  in  a  well-stored  library,  or  from 
the  evening  rural  walk,  when  the  business 
of  the  day  is  over,  to  scenes  of  public  amuse 
ment  lor  enjoyment.  To  my  judgment,  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


pleasures  of  home,  and  of  home  society, 
when  they  are  all  that  could  be  desired,  are 
such  as  never  cloy,  and  need  no  change,  but 
from  one  kindred  scene  to  another.  I  am 
sighing  and  longing,  perhaps  in  vain,  for  a 
period  when  society  shall  be  so  elevated,  and 
so  purified  ;  when  the  love  of  knowledge  will 
be  so  intense,  and  the  habits  of  life  will 
be  so  simple;  when  religion  and  morality 
will  be  so  generally  diffused,  that  men's 
homes  will  be  the  seat  and  circle  of  their 
pleasures ;  when,  in  the  society  of  an  affec 
tionate  and  intelligent  wife,  and  of  well- 
educated  children,  each  will  find  his  greatest 
earthly  delight ;  and  when  it  will  be  felt  to 
be  no  more  necessary  to  happiness  to  quit 
their  own  fire-side  for  the  ball-room,  the 
concert,  or  the  theatre,  than  it  is  to  go  from 
the  well-spread  table  to  the  public  feast,  to 
satisfy  the  cravings  of  a  healthy  appetite. 
Then  will  it  be  no  longer  imposed  upon  us 
to  prove,  that  public  amusements  are  im 
proper,  for  they  will  be  found  to  be  unneces 
sary. 

But  the  pleasures  of  home  must  not  be 
allowed  to  interfere  with  the  calls  and  claims 
of  public  duty.  Wives  must  not  ask,  and 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  57 

husbands  must  not  give,  that  time  which  is 
demanded  for  the  cause  of  God  and  man. 
This  is  an  age  of  active  charity,  and  the 
great  public  institutions,  which  are  set  up, 
cannot  be  kept  in  operation  without  great 
sacrifices  of  time  and  leisure  by  very  many 
persons.  Those  who,  by  their  wisdom,  tal 
ents,  rank,  or  property,  receive  the  confidence 
of  the  public,  must  stand  prepared  to  fill  up 
and  conduct  the  executive  departments  of 
our  societies  ;  nor  should  they  allow  the  soft 
allurements  of  their  own  houses  to  draw 
them  away  from  what  is  obviously  the  post 
of  duty. 

We  have  known  some,  who,  till  they 
entered  into  wedded  life,  were  the  props  and 
pillars  of  our  institutions,  yield  so  far  to  the 
solicitations  of  their  new  and  dearest  earthly 
friend,  as  to  vacate  their  seat  at  the  board  of 
management  forever  after.  It  is,  I  admit, 
a  costly  way  of  contributing  to  the  cause  of 
religion  and  humanity,  to  give  those  evening 
hours  which  could  be  spent  so  pleasantly  in 
a  country  walk,  or  in  the  joint  perusal  of 
some  interesting  volume ;  but  who  can  do 
good,  or  ought  to  wish  to  do  it,  without 
sacrifices  ?  I  know  an  eminently  holy  and 


58  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

useful  minister,  who  told  the  lady  to  whom 
he  was  about  to  he  united,  that  one  of  the 
conditions  of  their  marriage  was,  that  she 
should  never  ask  him  for  that  time,  which, 
on  any  occasion,  he  felt  it  to  be  his  duty  to 
give  to  God.  And  surely,  any  woman  might 
feel  herself  more  blessed  in  having  some 
times  to  endure  the  loss  of  a  husband's 
society,  whose  presence  and  talents  are  cov 
eted  by  all  public  institutions,  than  in  being 
left  to  the  unmolested  enjoyment  of  the 
company  of  one  whose  assistance  is  coveted 
by  none. 

MUTUAL  FORBEARANCE  is  another  duty. . 

This  we  owe  to  all,  not  excepting  the 
stranger,  or  an  enemy ;  and,  most  certainly, 
it  must  not  be  denied  to  our  nearest  friend. 
For  the  charity  that  "  suffereth  long-,  and  is 
kind;  that  enviet/i  not',  vauntcth  7iot  itself; 
is  not  puffed  up;  that  doth  not  behave  itself 
unseemly ;  seekelh  not  her  own ;  is  not  easily 
provoked ;  thinketh  no  evil ;  rejoiccth  not  in 
iniquity,  but  rejoiccth  in  the  truth;  that  cov 
er -eth  all  things ;  belicveth  all  things ;  hopeth 
all  things;  endureth  all  things;"  for  this 
charity  there  is  both  need  and  room  in  every 
relation  of  life.  Wherever  sin  or  imperfec- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


tion  exists,  there  is  scope  for  the  forbearance 
of  love.  There  is  no  perfection  upon  earth. 
Lovers,  it  is  true,  often  fancy  they  have 
found  it ;  but  the  more  sober  judgment  of 
husbands  and  wives  generally  corrects  the 
mistake ;  and  first  impressions  of  this  kind 
usually  pass  away  with  first  love. 

We  should  all  enter  the  marriage  state, 
remembering  that  we  are  about  to  be  united 
to  a  fallen  creature :  and  as,  in  every  case,  it 
is  not  two  angels  that  have  met  together, 
but  two  sinful  children  of  Adam,  from  whom 
must  be  looked  for  much  weakness  and  way 
wardness  ;  we  must  make  up  our  minds  to 
some  imperfection;  and,  remembering  that 
we  have  no  small  share  of  our  own  that  calls 
for  the  forbearance  of  the  other  party,  should 
exercise  the  patience  that  we  ask.  Where 
both  have  infirmities,  and  they  are  so  con 
stantly  together,  innumerable  occasions  will 
be  furnished,  if  we  are  eager,  or  even  willing, 
to  avail  ourselves  of  the  opportunities  for 
those  contentions,  which,  if  they  do  not  pro 
duce  a  permanent  suppression  of  love,  lead 
to  its  temporary  interruption.  Many  things 
we  should  connive  at ;  others  we  should  pass 
by  -with  an  unprovoked  mind ;  and,  in  all 


60  THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 

things,  most  carefully  avoid  even  what  at 
first  may  seem  to  be  an  innocent  disputa 
tion. 

Affection  does  not  forbid,  but  actually  de 
mands,  that  we  should  mutually  point  out 
our  faults;  but  this  should  be  done  in  all 
the  meekness  of  wisdom,  united  with  all  the 
tenderness  of  love,  lest  we  only  increase  the 
evil  we  intend  to  remove,  or  substitute  a 
greater  one  in  its  place.  Justice,  as  well  as 
wisdom,  requires  that,  in  every  case,  we  set 
the  good  qualities  against  the  bad  ones; 
and,  in  most  cases,  we  shall  find  some  re 
deeming  excellences,  which,  if  they  do  not 
reconcile  us  to  the  failings  we  deplore,  should 
at  least  teach  us  to  bear  them  with  patience  ; 
and  the  more  we  contemplate  these  better 
aspects  of  the  character,  the  brighter  will 
they  appear :  for  it  is  an  indubitable  fact, 
that,  while  faults  diminish,  virtues  magnify 
in  proportion  as  they  are  steadily  contem 
plated. 

As  to  bitterness  of  language,  and  violence 
of  conduct,  this  is  so  utterly  disgraceful,  that 
it  scarcely  needs  be  introduced,  even  by  way 
of  cautioning  against  it.  The  ancients,  we 
are  informed,  took  the  gall  from  their  nuptial 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  61 

sacrifices,  and  cast  it  behind  the  altar,  to 
intimate  the  removal  of  all  bitterness  from 
the  marriage  state. 

MUTUAL  ASSISTANCE  is  the  duty  of  hus 
bands  and  wives.  This  applies  to  the  cares 
of  life.  Women  are  not  usually  very  con 
versant  with  matters  of  trade,  but,  still, 
their  counsel  may  be  sought,  in  a  thou 
sand  cases,  with  propriety  and  advantage. 
The  husband  should  never  undertake  any 
thing  of  importance,  without  communicating 
the  matter  to  his  wife;  who,  on  her  part, 
instead  of  shrinking  from  the  responsibility 
of  a  counsellor,  and  leaving  him  to  struggle 
alone  with  his  difficulties  and  perplexities, 
should  invite  him  to  communicate  freely  all 
his  anxieties ;  for,  if  she  cannot  counsel,  she 
can  comfort ;  if  she  cannot  relieve  his  cares, 
she  can  help  to  bear  them;  if  she  cannot 
direct  the  course  of  his  trade,  she  may  the 
current  of  his  feelings ;  if  she  cannot  open 
any  source  of  earthly  wisdom,  she  can 
spread  the  matter  before  the  Father  and 
Fountain  of  lights.  Many  men,  under  the 
idea  of  delicacy  to  their  wives,  keep  all 
their  difficulties  to  themselves,  which  only 


62  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

prepares  them  to  feel  the  stroke  the  heavier 
when  it  does  come. 

And,  then,  as  the  wife  should  be  willing 
to  help  the  husband  in  matters  of  business, 
he  should  be  willing  to  share  with  her  the 
burden  of  domestic  anxieties  and  fatigue. 
Some  go  too  far,  and  utterly  degrade  the 
female  head  of  the  family,  by  treating  her 
as  if  her  honesty  or  ability  could  not  be 
trusted  in  the  management  of  the  domestic 
economy.  They  keep  the  money,  and  dole 
it  out  as  if  they  were  parting  with  their  life's 
blood,  grudging  every  shilling  they  dispense, 
and  requiring  an  account  as  rigid  as  they 
would  from  a  suspected  servant ;  they  take 
charge  of  everything,  give  out  everything, 
interfere  in  everything.  This  is  to  despoil 
a  woman  of  her  authority,  to  thrust  her  from 
her  proper  place,  to  insult  and  degrade  her 
before  her  children  and  servants. 

Some,  on  the  other  hand,  go  to  the  oppo 
site  extreme,  and  take  no  share  in  anything. 
My  heart  has  ached  to  see  the  slavery  of 
some  devoted,  hard-working,  and  ill-used 
wives ;  after  laboring  all  day  amidst  the 
ceaseless  toils  of  a  young  and  numerous 
family,  they  have  had  to  pass  the  hours  of 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  63 

evening1  in  solitude ;  while  the  husbands, 
instead  of  coming  home  to  cheer  them  by 
their  society,  or  to  reiieve  them  for  only  half 
an  hour  of  their  fatigue,  have  been  either  at 
a  party  or  a  sermon ;  and  then  have  these 
hapless  women  had  to  wake  and  watch  the 
live-long  night,  over  a  sick  or  restless  babe, 
while  the  men,  whom  they  accepted  as  the 
partners  of  their  sorrows,  were  sleeping  by 
their  side,  unwilling  to  give  a  single  hour  of 
their  slumber,  though  it  was  to  allow  a  little 
repose  to  their  toil-worn  wives. 

Even  the  irrational  creatures  shame  such 
men;  for  it  is  a  well-known  fact,  that  the 
male  bird  takes  his  turn  upon  the  nest  dur 
ing  the  season  of  incubation,  to  allow  the 
female  time  to  renew  her  strength  by  food 
and  rest ;  and  with  her,  also,  goes  in  diligent 
quest  of  food,  and  feeds  the  young  ones 
when  they  cry.  No  man  should  think  of 
marrying,  who  does  not  stand  prepared  to 
share,  as  far  as  he  can  do  it,  with  his  wife, 
the  burden  of  domestic  cares. 

They  should  be  helpful  to  each  other  in 
the  concerns  of  personal  religion.  This 
duty  is  clearly  implied  in  the  apostle's 
language  : — "  For  what  knowest  thou,  O 


64  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

wife,  whether  thou  shall  save  thy  husband  ? 
Or  how  knowest  thou,  O  man,  whether  thou 
shalt  save  thy  wife  ?  "  Where  only  one  is 
yet  a  partaker  of  true  piety,  there  should  be 
the  most  anxious,  judicious,  and  affectionate 
efforts  for  the  other's  salvation.  And  where 
both  parties  are  real  Christians,  there  should 
be  the  exercise  of  a  constant  reciprocal  soli 
citude,  watchfulness,  and  care,  in  reference 
to  their  spiritual  and  eternal  welfare. 

"  How  blest  the  sacred  tie  that  binds 
Jn  union  sweet  accordant  minds  ! 
How  swift  the  heavenly  course  they  run, 
Whose  hearts,  whose  faith,  whose  hopes  are  one  !  " 

One  of  the  ends  which  every  believer 
should  propose  to  himself,  on  entering  the 
marriage  state,  is,  to  secure  one  faithful 
friend,  at  least,  who  will  be  a  helpmate  for 
him  in  reference  to  another  world,  assist  him 
in  the  great  business  of  his  soul's  salvation, 
and  that  will  pray  for  him  and  with  him; 
one  that  will  affectionately  tell  him  of  his 
sins  and  his  defects,  viewed  in  the  light  of  a 
Christian ;  one  that  will  stimulate  and  draw 
him  by  the  power  of  a  holy  example,  and 
the  sweet  force  of  persuasive  words;  one 
that  will  warn  him  in  temptation,  comfort 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  66 

him  in  dejection,  and  in  every  way  assist 
him  in  his  pilgrimage  to  the  skies. 

The  highest  end  of  the  connubial  state  is 
lost,  if  it  be  not  rendered  helpful  to  our 
piety;  and  yet  this  end  is  too  generally  neg 
lected,  even  by  professors  of  religion.  Do 
we  converse  with  each  other  as  we  ought  on 
the  high  themes  of  redemption  by  Christ, 
and  eternal  salvation?  Do  we  study  each 
other's  dispositions,  snares,  troubles,  decays 
in  piety,  that  we  may  apply  suitable  reme 
dies  ?  Do  we  exhort  one  another  daily,  lest 
we  should  be  hardened  through  the  deceit- 
fulness  of  sin  ?  Do  we  practise  fidelity  with 
out  censoriousness,  and  administer  praise 
without  flattery?  Do  we  invite  one  another 
to  the  most  quickening  and  edifying  means 
of  grace  of  a  public  nature,  and  recommend 
the  perusal  of  such  instructive  and  improv 
ing  books  as  we  have  found  beneficial  to 
ourselves?  Do  we  mutually  lay  open  the 
state  of  our  minds  on  the  subject  of  personal 
religion,  and  state  our  perplexities,  our  joys, 
our  fears,  our  sorrows?  Alas,  alas,  who 
must  not  blush  at  their  neglects  in  these 
particulars?  And  yet  such  neglect  is  as 
criminal  as  it  is  common.  Fleeing  from  the 


fit)  I  I.I.     :M    \lilil    \,.i;     IMNU. 


li  in  i  (.in.-,  mill  yd  not  doing  all  we  can 
to  aid  each  other's  escape  !  Contending  side 
li\  lidc  !"i  th*  Grown  of  glory  i  honoi  ,  i  minor 
ul'.u,  .ind  eternal  life,und  yet  nut  doing  nil 
\\.-.-.oi  iii  ensure  each  other's  success !  Is 

this    lo\e  .'       I  .  llnv  tli,-  IrudiMlU'SS   Or   COllllU- 

lu.il  .Hi, -i -lion1/ 

Tin-,  imiiu.il  help  should  extend  to  the 
iiniintfimtwe  of  all  the  habits  of  domestic 
on/fT,  dim'iiilinf,  and  fn'fty.  The  hnsli.md  i-> 
it>  \n>  i  IK-  prophet,  priest,  and  king  of  the 
I  mid),  to  instruct  their  minds,  to  lead  their 
tli  \»i i.'tiN,  .mil  to  govern  their  tempera;  but 
in  all  that  relates  to  these  important  objects, 
i  IK-  u  iff  is  to  he  of  one  mind  with  him.  They 
are.,  in  these  matters,  to  be  workers  IOLM  ih,  i, 
ii. -ii In -i  of  them  leaving  the  other  to  labor 
alone,  much  Irss  opposing  or  thwarting  what 
is  iliMHv  "  When  the  mm  shines,  the  moon 
ill- .i|'l>(  .us  ,  \\lu-n  he  sets,  she  appears  anil 
•-Imirs;  so  when  the  luisliaml  is  at  home,  he 
leads  domestic  worship,  when  lie  is  absent, 
the  \\  ile  must  ever  take  his  place." 

S>imc  men  refer  the  instruction  of  young 

ehiUieu  exi-liiM\,-l\  to  iheu  wives,  and  some 

,    soon  as  ihe  t  luldien  are  too  old  to 

!ii  upon  the  knee,  think  that  they  are 


i  M  i:     ,i  \  i.  ;.  i  \,,i:    KING. 

exclusively  the  subjects  of  paternal  can-. 
This  is  a  mistake  in  the  Important  economy 
of  the  family,  the  member**  of  which  are 
never  too  young  to  be  taught  ami  disriplmnl 
by  the  father,  nor  loo  old  to  be  adiuonislicd 
ami  warned  by  the  mother.  He  may  some 
times  have  a  great  inilueuce  in  awing  the 
rude  spirits  of  the  younger  branches;  while 
her  soft,  persuasive  accents  may  have  de 
lightful  power  to  melt  or  break  the  hard 
and  stubborn  hearts  of  older  ones.  Thus 
they,  who  have  a  joint  interest  in  a  l.imil\, 
must  attend  to  them  hi  the  exercise  d  ,i 
joint  labor. 

They  must  be  helpful  to  tmch  other  in. 
works  of  humanity  and  religion::  l>,  ncio 
lence. 

'I'h. -ii  iniilnal  inlliii-m-,-  •  ih.'il.l  I..-  .-\riird, 
not  ill  restraining,  but  in  Mumilatin-g  zeal, 
eompMtio&i  uml  liberality.  What  a  bcauh 
Inl  pii-lure  of  domestic  lile  is  drawn  by  the 
pen  of  the  Old  Testament  historian  !  "  And 
it  fell  on  a  day  th:it  Mlisha  pas.sed  to  Shn 
nem,  where  was  a  great  woman ;  and  she 
»,. ii-, i  rained  him  to  eat  bread.  And  so  it 
was,  that  as  oft  as  he  passed  iry,  he  turned 
in  I  In' li«  i  to  eal  bread.  And  she  said  unto 


68  THE    MARRIAGE    RING 

her  husband,  Behold  now,  I  perceive  that 
this  is  a  holy  man  of  God,  which  passeth 
by  us  continually.  Let  us  make  a  little 
chamber  on  the  wall,  and  let  us  set  for  him 
there  a  bed,  and  a  table,  and  a  stool,  and  a 
candlestick,  and  it  shall  be,  that  when  he 
cometh  to  us,  he  shall  turn  in  hither.  And 
it  fell  on  a  day  that  he  came  thither,  and  he 
turned  into  the  chamber,  and  lay  there." 

Every  part  of  this  scene  is  lovely.  The 
generous  and  pious  wish  of  the  wife  to  pro 
vide  accommodation  for  a  destitute  and  de 
pendent  prophet;  her  prompt  and  prudent 
effort  to  interest  her  husband  in  the  scheme 
of  her  benevolence ;  her  discreet  and  modest 
keeping  of  her  place  in  not  acting  without 
his  permission;  her  dignified  claim  of  a 
right  to  be  associated  with  him  in  this  work 
of  mercy,  for,  said  she,  let  us  make  a  little 
chamber  on  the  wall.  All  is  delightful  and 
as  it  should  be  on  her  part ;  and  no  less  so 
on  the  part  of  the  man;  for  there  was  no 
surly  refusal,  no  proud  rejection  of  the  plan, 
because  it  did  not  originate  with  him;  no 
covetous  plea  for  setting  it  aside,  on  the 
ground  of  expense. 

Delighted,  as  every  husband  should  be,  to 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  69 

gratify  the  benevolent  wishes,  and  support 
the  liberal  scheme  of  his  wife,  so  far  as  pru 
dence  will  allow,  he  consented ;  the  little 
chamber  was  erected,  and  furnished  by  this 
holy  pair,  and  soon  occupied  by  the  prophet ; 
and  never  was  a  generous  action  more  speed 
ily  or  more  richly  rewarded.  Elisha  had 
no  means  of  his  own,  by  which  to  acknowl 
edge  the  kindness ;  but  He  who  said  in  after 
times,  "  He  that  receiveth  a  prophet  in  the 
name  of  a  prophet,  shall  receive  a  prophet's 
reward,"  took  upon  himself,  as  he  does  in 
every  instance,  the  cause  of  his  necessitous 
servant,  and  most  munificently  repaid  the 
generous  deed. 

A  lovelier  scene  is  not  to  be  found  on  earth, 
than  that  of  a  pious  couple,  employing  their 
mutual  influence,  and  the  hours  of  their  re 
tired  companionship,  in  stirring  up  each 
other's  hearts  to  deeds  of  mercy  and  reli 
gious  benevolence.  Not  Adam  and  Eve  in 
Paradise,  with  the  unspotted  robes  of  their 
innocence  about  them,  engaged  in  propping 
the  vine,  or  trailing  the  rose  of  that  holy 
garden,  presented  to  the  eyes  of  angels  a 
more  interesting  spectacle  than  this.  What 
a  contrast  does  such  a  couple  present  to  the 


70  THE   MARRIAGE    RING. 

pairs,  which  are  almost  everywhere  to  be 
found,  whose  calculations  are  not  what  they 
can  save  from  unnecessary  expense  to  be 
stow  upon  the  cause  of  God  and  humanity, 
but  what  they  can  abstract  or  withhold  from 
the  claims  of  benevolence,  to  lavish  upon 
splendid  furniture,  or  domestic  luxuries. 

Are  there  no  wives  who  attempt  to  chill 
the  ardor,  to  limit  the  beneficence,  to  stint 
the  charities  of  their  husbands?  who,  by 
their  incessant,  and  querulous,  and  almost 
quarrelsome  suggestions,  that  he  is  doing  too 
much  for  others,  and  too  little  for  his  own 
family,  drive  the  good  man,  notwithstanding 
he  is  lord  of  his  own  property,  to  exercise 
his  liberality  in  secret,  and  bestow  his  char 
ities  by  stealth?  And  what  is  oftentimes 
the  object  of  such  women  ?  Nothing  more 
than  the  pride  of  ambitionj  or  the  folly  of 
vanity;  only  that  they  might  have  these 
parings  of  charity,  to  spend  upon  dress,  fur 
niture,  and  parties. 

Perhaps  the  question  will  be  asked,  wheth 
er  it  is  proper  for  a  wife  to  give  away  the 
property  of  her  husband  in  acts  of  humanity, 
or  religious  benevolence.  Such  an  inquiry 
ought  to  be  unnecessary ;  for  no  woman 


THE   MARRIAGE    RING.  71 

should  be  driven  to  the  alternative  of  either 
doing  nothing  for  the  cause  of  God  and  man, 
or  doing  what  she  can  by  stealth.  A  suffi 
cient  sum  ought  to  be  placed  at  her  dispo 
sal,  to  enable  her  to  enjoy  the  luxury  of 
doing  good.  Why  should  not  she  appear  in 
her  own  name  upon  the  honorable  list  of 
benefactors,  and  shine  forth  in  her  peculiar 
and  separate  glory,  instead  of  being  always 
lost  in  the  radiance  of  our  recorded  mercy  ? 
Why  should  she  have  no  sphere  of  benev 
olent  effort?  Why  should  we  monopolize 
to  ourselves  the  blessings  of  those  that  are 
ready  to  perish  ? 

It  is  degrading  a  married  female  to  allow 
her  no  discretion  in  this  matter,  no  liberty  of 
distribution,  no  power  to  dispense,  even  in 
cases  that  concern  her  sex,  but  to  compel  her 
to  beg  first  of  a  husband  that,  which  others 
come  to  beg  of  her.  If,  however,  she  be  un 
happily  united  to  a  Nabal,  a  churl,  whose 
sordid,  grasping,  covetous  disposition  will 
yield  nothing  to  the  claims  of  humanity  or 
religion,  may  she  then  make  up  for  the 
deficiency  of  her  husband,  and  diffuse  his 
property  unknown  to  him?  I  am  strongly 
tempted  to  answer  this  question  in  the  alfir- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


/native  ;  for  if  in  any  instance  we  may  devi 
ate  from  the  ordinary  rule,  and  taking  the 
man  at  his  own  word,  which  he  uttered 
when,  in  the  solemn  act  of  matrimony,  he 
said,  "  with  all  my  worldly  goods  I  thee 
endow,"  may  invest  the  wife  with  a  joint 
proprietorship,  and  a  right  of  appropriation, 
it  is  in  such  a  case  as  this. 

But  still,  we  must  not  sacrifice  general 
principles  to  special  cases  ;  and,  therefore,  I 
say  to  erery  female  in  such  circumstances, 
obtain,  if  you  can,  a  separate  and  fixed 
allowance  for  charitable  distribution  ;  but  if 
even  this  be  not  possible,  obtain  one  for 
general  personal  expenses,  and  by  a  most 
rigid  frugality  save  all  you  can  from  dress 
and  decoration,  for  the  hallowed  purpose  of 
relieving  the  miseries  of  your  fellow-crea 
tures. 

MUTUAL  SYMPATHY.  —  Sickness  may  call 
for  this,  and  females  seem  both  formed  and 
inclined  by  nature  to  yield  it. 

41  Oh  woman,  in  our  hours  of  ea«e, 
Uncertain,  coy,  and  hard  to  plea«e, 
And  variable  as  the  shade 
By  the  light,  quirering  aspen  made,— 
When  pain  and  anguish  wring  the  brow, 
A  ministering  angel  thou  1  " 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  73 

Unwilling,  and,  indeed,  unable  to  subscribe 
to  the  former  part  of  this  description,  I  do 
most  readily  assent  to  the  truth  of  the  latter. 
If  we  could  do  without  her,  and  be  happy  in 
health,  what  are  we  in  sickness  without  her 
presence  and  her  tender  offices  ?  Can  we 
smooth,  as  woman  can,  the  pillow  on  which 
the  sick  man  lays  his  head  ?  No.  We  can 
not  administer  the  medicine  or  the  food  as 
she  can.  There  is  a  softness  in  her  touch, 
a  lightness  in  her  step,  a  skill  in  her  arange- 
ments,  a  sympathy  looking  down  upon  us 
from  her  beaming  eye,  which  ours  wants. 
Many  a  female,  by  her  devoted  and  kind 
attentions  in  a  season  of  sickness,  has  drawn 
back  to  herself  that  cold  and  alienated  heart, 
which  neither  her  charms  could  hold,  nor 
her  claims  recover. 

I  entreat  you,  therefore,  married  females, 
to  put  forth  all  your  power  to  soothe  and 
please  in  the  season  of  your  husband's  sick 
ness.  Let  him  see  you  willing  to  make  any 
sacrifices  of  pleasure,  ease,  or  sleep,  to  min 
ister  to  his  comfort.  Let  there  be  a  tender 
ness  in  your  manner,  a  wakeful  attention  and 
sympathy  in  your  look,  a  something  that 
seems  to  say,  your  only  comfort  in  his  afflic- 


74  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

tion  is  to  employ  yourselves  in  alleviating  it. 
Hearken  with  patience  and  kindness  to  the 
tale  of  his  lighter,  and  even  of  his  imaginary 
woes.  A  cold,  heartless,  awkward,  unsym- 
pathizing  woman  is  an  exception  from  the 
general  rule,  and  therefore  the  severer  libel 
upon  her  sex. 

Nor  is  this  sympathy  exclusively  the  duty 
of  the  wife ;  but  belongs  equally  to  the 
husband.  He  cannot,  it  is  true,  perform  the 
same  offices  for  her,  which  she  can  discharge 
for  him ;  but  much  he  can  do,  and  all  he  can 
he  should  do.  Her  sicknesses  are  generally 
more  numerous  and  heavy  than  his ;  she  is 
likely,  therefore,  to  make  more  frequent  calls 
upon  his  tender  interest  and  attention.  Many 
of  her  ailments  are  the  consequence  of  be 
coming  his  wife.  She  was,  perhaps,  in  full 
vigor,  till  she  became  a  mother,  and  from 
that  time  never  had  a  moment's  perfect  ease 
or  strength  again.  That  event,  which  sent 
into  his  heart  the  joys  of  a  parent,  dismissed 
from  her  frame  the  comforts  of  health.  And 
shall  he  look  with  discontent,  and  indiffer 
ence,  and  insensibility,  upon  that  delicate 
flower,  which,  before  he  transplanted  it  to 
his  garden,  glowed  in  beauty  and  in  fragrance, 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  75 


to  the  admiration  of  every  spectator  ?  Shall 
he  now  cease  to  regard  it  with  any  pleasure, 
or  sympathy,  and  seem  as  if  he  wished  it 
gone,  to  make  room  for  another,  forgetting 
that  it  was  he  that  sent  the  worm  to  the  root, 
and  caused  its  head  to  droop,  and  its  colors 
to  fade  ? 

Husbands,  I  call  upon  you  for  all  the  skill 
and  tenderness  of  love,  on  behalf  of  your 
wives,  if  they  are  weak  and  sickly.  Watch 
by  their  couch,  talk  with  them,  pray  with 
them,  wake  with  them.  In  all  their  afflic 
tions,  be  you  afflicted.  Never  listen  heed 
lessly  to  their  complaints ;  and,  oh,  by  all 
that  is  sacred  in  conjugal  affection,  I  implore 
you  never,  by  your  cold  neglect,  or  petulant 
expressions,  or  discontented  look,  to  call  up 
in  their  imaginations,  unusually  sensitive  at 
such  a  season,  the  phantom  of  a  fear,  that 
the  disease,  which  has  destroyed  their  health, 
has  done  the  same  for  your  affection.  Oh, 
spare  their  bosom  the  agonizing  pangs  of 
supposing,  that  they  are  living  to  be  a  burden 
to  your  disappointed  heart. 

The  cruelty  of  that  man  wants  a  name, 
and  I  know  of  none  sufficiently  emphatic, 
who  denies  his  sympathy  to  a  suffering  wo- 


76  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

man,  whose  only  sin  is  a  broken  constitution, 
and  whose  calamity  is  the  result  of  her 
marriage.  Such  a  man  does  the  work  of  a 
murderer,  without  his  punishment,  and,  in 
some  instances,  without  his  reproach;  but 
not  always  without  his  design  or  his  re 
morse. 

But  sympathy  should  be  exercised  by  man 
and  wife,  not  only  in  reference  to  their  sick 
nesses,  but  to  all  their  afflictions,  whether 
personal  or  relative  ;  all  their  sorrows  should 
be  common.  Like  two  strings  in  unison, 
the  chord  of  grief  should  never  be  struck  in 
the  heart  of  one,  without  causing  a  corre 
sponding  vibration  in  the  heart  of  the  other ; 
or,  like  the  surface  of  the  lake  answering  to 
the  heaven,  it  should  be  impossible  for  calm 
ness  and  sunshine  to  be  upon  one,  while  the 
other  is  agitated  and  cloudy.  Heart  should 
answer  to  heart,  and  face  to  face. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

SPECIAL   DUTIES    OF    HUSBAND    AND   WIFE. 

"Wives,  submit  yourselves  unto  your  own  husbands,  as 
unto  the  Lord.  Husbands,  love  your  wives,  even  as 
Christ  also  loved  the  church,  and  gave  himself  for  it." 

THE     HUSBAND. 

IN  stating  the  duties  especially  enjoined 
on  the  two  parties  in  the  conjugal  union.  I 
shall  begin  with  those  of  the  husband.  He 
is  commanded  to  LOVE  his  wife. 

As  we  have  already  shown  that  love  is  a 
duty  of  both  parties,  the  question  very  natu 
rally  arises,  "For  what  reason  is  it  so 
especially  enjoined  upon  the  husband?" 
Why  is  he  so  particularly  bound  to  the 
exercise  of  affection?  Perhaps  for  the 
following  reasons : — 

1.  Because,  in  the  very  nature  of  things, 
he  is  most  in  danger  of  failing  in  his  duty. 
Placed  by  the  Creator  as  the  "  head  of  the 
wife,"  and  invested  with  a  certain  right  to 
govern  his  household,  he  is  more  in  peril  ot 


78  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

merging  the  tender  sensibilities  in  the  pre 
dominant  consciousness  of  superiority. 

2.  Because  he  is  actually  more  deficient  in 
this  duty  than  the  other  party.     This  has 
ever  been  the  case  in  pagan  and  Mahometan 
countries.      In  barbarous  nations,  especially, 
conjugal  affection  has  ever  been  exceedingly 
weak,  and  it  is  probable  that  even  m  the 
more  civilized  countries  of  Greece  and  Rome 
it  was  not  so  generally  strong  and  steady,  as 
it   has   since    been    made    by  Christianity. 
But  without  even  going  beyond  the  limits  of 
Christendom,  it  may  be  truly  said,  that  hus 
bands  are  usually  more  deficient  in  love  than 
wives.     The  latter,  in  my  opinion,  excel  the 
former  in  tenderness,  in  strength,  in  con 
stancy  of  affection.  \ 

3.  Because  a  want  of  love  on  the  part  of 
the  man  is  likely  to  be  attended  with  more 
misery  to  the  other  party.     He  can  go  to 
greater  excesses  in  violence,  in  cruelty,  in 
depravity.     The  want  of  this  tender  passion 
in  him  is  likely  to  have  a  still  worse  effect 
upon  his  own  character,  and  the  peace  of 
the  wife,  than  the  want  of  it  in  her.     In 
either  case  a  destitution  of  this  kind  is  a 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  79 

melancholy  thing ;  but  in  him,  it  is  on  sev 
eral  accounts  the  most  to  be  dreaded. 

The  apostle  lays  down  two  models,  or 
rules,  for  a  husband's  affection ;  the  one  is, 
the  love  which  Christ  has  manifested  for  his 
church;  and  the  other,  the  love  which  a  man 
bears  for  himself. 

In  regard  to  the  first,  I  shall  exhibit  the 
properties  of  Christ's  love,  and  show  in 
what  way  our  affection  should  be  conformed 
to  his. 

Christ's  love  was  SINCERE.  He  did  not 
love  in  word  only,  but  in  deed  and  in  truth. 
In  him  there  was  no  dissimulation ;  no 
epithets  of  endearment  going  forth  out  of 
feigned  lips  ;  no  actions  varnished  over  with 
a  mere  covering  of  love.  We  must  be  like 
him,  and  endeavor  to  maintain  a  principle  of 
true  regard  in  the  heart,  as  well  as  a  show 
of  it  in  the  conduct.  It  is  a  miserable  thing 
to  have  to  act  the  part  of  love,  without  feel 
ing  it.  Hypocrisy  is  base  in  everything; 
but  next  to  religion,  is  most  base  in  affection. 
Besides,  how  difficult  is  it  to  act  the  part 
well,  to  keep  on  the  mask,  and  to  support 
the  character  so  as  to  escape  detection !  Oh, 
the  misery  of  that  woman's  heart,  who  at 


80  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

length  finds  out,  to  her  cost,  that  what  she 
had  been  accustomed  to  receive  and  value  as 
the  attentions  of  a  lover,  are  but  the  tricks 
of  a  cunning  dissembler ! 

The  love  of  the  Redeemer  was  ARDENT. 

Let  us,  if  we  would  form  a  correct  idea  of 
what  should  be  the  state  of  our  hearts 
towards  the  woman  of  our  choice,  think  of 
that  affection  which  glowed  in  the  breast  of 
the  Saviour,  when  he  lived  and  died  for  his 
people.  We  can  possess,  it  is  true,  neither 
the  same  kind  nor  the  same  degree  of  regard ; 
but  surely,  when  we  are  reierred  to  such  an 
instance,  if  not  altogether  as  a  model,  yet  as 
a  motive,  it  does  teach  us,  that  no  weak 
affection  is  due,  or  should  be  offered  to  the 
wife  of  our  bosom.  \Ve  are  told  by  the 
Saviour  himself,  that  if  he  laid  down  his 
life  for  us,  it  is  our  duty  to  lay  down  ours 
for  the  brethren;  how  much  more  for  the 
"  friend  that  sticketh  closer  than  a  brother !  " 
And  if  it  be  our  duty  to  lay  down  our  life, 
how  much  more  to  employ  it,  while  it  lasts, 
in  all  the  offices  of  an  affection,  strong, 
steady,  and  inventive.  She,  that  for  our  sake 
has  forsaken  the  comfortable  home,  and  the 
watchful  care,  and  the  warm  embrace  of  her 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  81 

parents,  has  a  right  to  expect,  in  our  regard, 
that  which  shall  make  her  "  forget  her  father's 
house,"  and  cause  her  to  feel  that,  with 
respect  to  happiness,  she  is  no  loser  by  the 
exchange.  Happy  the  woman,  and  such 
should  every  husband  strive  to  make  his 
wife,  who  can  look  back  without  a  sigh  upon 
the  moment,  when  she  quitted  forever  the 
guardians,  the  companions,  and  the  scenes  of 
her  childhood ! 

The  love  of  Christ  to  his  church  was 
SUPREME.  He  gives  to  the  world  his  benev 
olence,  but  to  the  church  his  complacency. 
"  The  Lord  thy  God  in  the  midst  of  thee," 
said  the  prophet,  "is  mighty;  he  will  save 
thee  ;  he  will  rejoice  over  thee  with  joy ;  he 
will  rest  in  his  love ;  he  will  joy  over  thee 
with  singing."  So  must  the  husband  regard 
his  wife,  above  all  else ;  he  must  "  rest  in 
his  love."  He  should  regard  her  not  only 
above  all  without  his  house,  but  above  all 
within  it.  She  must  take  precedence,  both 
in  his  heart  -and  conduct,  not  only  of  all 
strangers,  but  of  all  relatives,  and  also  of 
all  his  children;  he  ought  to  love  his  chil 
dren  for  her  sake,  rather  than  her  for  theirs. 
Is  this  always  the  case  ?  On  the  contrary, 


83  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

have  we  not  often  seen  men,  who  appear  to 
be  far  more  interested  in  their  children  than 
in  their  wives ;  and  who  have  paid  far  less 
attention  to  the  latter  than  to  grown-up 
daughters  ?  How  especially  unseemly  is  it, 
for  a  man  to  be  seen  fonder  of  the  society  of 
any  other  woman,  than  of  that  of  his  wife,  even 
where  nothing  more  may  be  intended  than 
the  pleasure  of  her  company.  Nor  ought 
ha  to  forsake  her  in  his  leisure  hours,  for 
any  companions  of  his  own  sex,  however 
interesting  might  be  their  manners  or  their 
conversation. 

The  love  of  Christ  is  UNIFORM.  Like 
himself,  it  is  the  same  yesterday,  to-day, 
and  forever.  Conjugal  affection  should  have 
the  same  character ;  it  should  be  at  all  times, 
and  in  all  places,  alike ;  the  same  at  home  as 
abroad;  in  other  persons'  houses^  as  in  our 
own.  Has  not  many  a  wife  to  sigh  and 
exclaim — "Oh  that  I  were  treated  in  my 
own  house,  with  the  same  tenderness  and 
attention  as  I  receive  in  company."  With 
what  almost  loathing  and  disgust  must  such 
a  woman  turn  from  endearments,  which 
under  such  circumstances  she  can  consider 
as  nothing  but  hypocrisy.  Home  is  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  83 

chief  place  for  fond  and  minute  attention; 
and  she,  who  has  not  to  complain  of  a  want 
of  it  there,  will  seldom  feel  the  need  or  the 
inclination  to  complain  of  a  want  of  it 
abroad ;  except  it  be  those  silly  women,  who 
would  degrade  their  husoauus,  uj  cAacung 
not  merely  what  is  really  kind,  but  what  is 
actually  ridiculous. 

The  love  of  the  Redeemer  was  PRACTICAL 
and  LABORIOUS.  He  provided  everything 
by  his  mediation  for  the  welfare  and  com 
fort  of  the  church,  and  at  a  cost  and  by 
exertions  of  which  we  can  form  no  idea.  It 
has  been  already  declared  that  both  parties 
are  to  assist  in  the  cares  of  life.  A  good 
wife  cannot  be  an  idle  one.  Beautiful  is  her 
portraiture,  as  drawn  by  the  wise  man. 
"Who  can  find  a  virtuous  woman?  for  her 
price  is  far  above  rubies.  The  heart  of  her 
husband  doth  safely  trust  in  her,  so  that  he 
shall  have  no  need  of  spoil.  She  will  do 
him  good  and  not  evil  all  the  days  of  her 
life.  She  layeth  her  hands  to  the  spindle, 
and  her  hands  hold  the  distaff.  She  stretch- 
eth  out  her  hand  to  the  poor;  yea,  she 
reacheth  forth  her  hand  to  the  needy.  Her 
husband  is  known  in  the  gates,  when  he 


84  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

sitteth  among  the  elders  of  the  land.  She 
opeueth  her  mouth  with  wisdom,  and  in  her 
tongue  is  the  law  of  kindness.  She  looketh 
well  to  the  ways  of  her  household,  and 
eateth  not  the  bread  of  idleness.  Her  chil 
dren  rise  up  and  call  her  blessed ;  her  hus 
band  also,  and  he  praiseth  her.  Many 
daughters  have  done  virtuously,  but  thou 
excellest  them  all.  Favor  is  deceitful,  and 
beauty  is  vain;  but  a  woman  that  feareth 
the  Lord,  she  shall  be  praised.  Give  her  the 
fruit  of  her  hands,  and  let  her  own  works 
praise  her  in  the  gates."  This  exquisite 
picture,  combining  as  it  does  industry,  pru 
dence,  dignity,  meekness,  wisdom,  and  piety, 
cannot  be  too  frequently  or  minutely  studied, 
by  those  who  would  attain  to  high  degrees 
of  female  excellence.  The  business  of  pro 
viding  for  the  family,  however,  belongs 
chiefly  to  the  husband.  It  is  his  to  rise 
up  early,  to  sit  up  late,  to  eat  the  bread  of 
carefulness,  and  to  drink,  if  necessary,  the 
waters  of  affliction,  that  he  may  earn,  by  the 
sweat  of  his  brow,  a  comfortable  support  for 
the  domestic  circle.  This  is  probably  what 
the  apostle  meant,  when  he  enjoined  us  to 
give  HONOR  to  the  wife  as  to  the  weaker 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  85 

vessel ;  the  honor  of  maintenance,  which 
she,  in  consequence  of  the  weakness  of  her 
frame,  and  the  frequent  infirmities  which  the 
maternal  relation  brings  upon  her,  is  not  so 
well  able  to  procure  for  herself. 

In  general,  it  is  for  the  benefit  of  a  family 
that  a  married  woman  should  devote  her 
time  and  attention  almost  exclusively  to  the 
ways  of  her  household ;  her  place  is  in  the 
centre  of  domestic  cares.  What  is  gained 
by  her  in  the  shop,  is  oftentimes  lost  in  the 
house,  for  want  of  the  judicious  superintend 
ence  of  a  mother  and  a  mistress.  Comfort 
and  order,  as  well  as  money,  are  domestic 
wealth ;  and  can  these  be  rationally  expected 
in  the  absence  of  female  arrangement  ?  The 
children  always  want  a  mother's  eye  and 
hand,  and  should  always  have  them.  Let 
the  husband,  then,  have  the  care  of  provid 
ing ;  the  wife,  that  of  distributing  to  the 
necessities  of  the  family ;  for  this  is  the  rule 
both  of  reason  and  revelation. 

And  as  Christ  labored  for  his  church,  not 
only  during  his  abode  upon  earth,  but  made 
provision  for  its  welfare  when  he  departed 
from  our  world,  in  like  manner  should  the 
husband  take  care  of  his  wife.  I  never 


86  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

could  understand  the  propriety  of  that  cus 
tom,  which  is  but  too  common,  of  men's 
providing  by  their  wills  so  much  better  for 
the  children  than  they  do  for  the  mother. 
Does  this  look  like  a  supreme  love  ?  Every 
man,  who  raises  a  woman  to  the  rank  of  his 
wife,  should  take  care,  however  inferior  she 
might  have  been  in  circumstances  before 
their  marriage,  to  leave  her  in  the  situation 
into  which  he  brought  her ;  for  it  is  indeed 
most  cruel,  to  leave  her  to  be  deprived  at 
once  not  only  of  her  dearest  earthly  friend, 
but  of  her  usual  means  of  comfortable  sub 
sistence. 

A  practical  affection  to  a  wife  extends, 
however,  to  everything;  it  should  manifest 
itself  in  the  most  delicate  attention  to  her 
comfort  and  her  feelings ;  in  consulting  her 
tastes ;  in  concealing  her  failings ;  in  never 
doing  anything  to  degrade  her,  but  every 
thing  to  exalt  her  before  her  children  and 
servants ;  in  acknowledging  her  excellences 
and  commending  her  efforts  to  please  him ; 
in  meeting,  and  even  anticipating,  all  her 
reasonable  requests;  in  short,  in  doing  all 
that  ingenuity  can  invent  for  her  substantial 
happiness  and  general  comfort. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  87 

Christ's  love  to  his  church  was  DURABLE 
and  UNCHANGEABLE.  "  Having  loved  his 
own,  he  loved  them  to  the  end,"  without 
abatement  or  alteration.  So  ought  husbands 
to  love  their  wives,  not  only  at  the  begin 
ning,  but  to  the  end  of  their  union ;  when 
the  charms  of  beauty  have  fled  before  the 
withering  influence  of  disease ;  when  the 
vigorous  and  sprightly  frame  has  lost  its 
elasticity,  and  the  step  has  become'  slow  and 
faltering;  when  the  wrinkles  of  age  have 
succeeded  to  the  bloom  of  youth,  and  the 
whole  person  seems  rather  the  monument 
than  the  resemblance  of  what  it  once  was. 
Has  she  not  gained  in  mind  what  she  has 
lost  in  exterior  fascinations  ?  Have  not  her 
mental  graces  flourished  amidst  the  ruins  of 
personal  charms  ?  If  the  rose  and  the  lily 
have  faded  on  the  cheek,  have  not  the  fruits 
of  righteousness  grown  in  the  soul?  If 
those  blossoms  have  departed,  on  which  the 
eye  of  youthful  passion  gazed  with  so  much 
ardor,  has  it  not  been  to  give  way  to  the 
ripe*  fruit  of  Christian  excellence  ?  The 
woman  is  not  what  she  was,  but  the  wife, 
the  mother,  the  Christian,  are  better  than 
they  were.  For  an  example  of  conjugal 


38  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

love  in  all  its  power  and  excellence,  point 
me  not  to  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  display 
ing,  during  the  first  month  of  their  union, 
all  the  watchfulness  and  tenderness  of  affec 
tion;  but  let  me  look  upon  the  husband  and 
wife  of  fifty,  whose  love  has  been  tried  by 
the  lapse  and  the  changes  of  a  quarter  of  a 
century,  and  who,  through  this  period  and 
by  these  vicissitudes,  have  grown  in  attach 
ment  and  esteem;  and  whose  affection,  if 
not  glowing  with  all  the  fervid  heat  of  a 
midsummer's  day,  is  still  like  the  sunshine 
of  an  October  noon,  warm  and  beautiful, 
as  reflected  amidst  autumnal  tints. 

But,  before  I  go  away  from  this  view  of  a 
husband's  especial  duty,  I  must  just  advert 
to  another  rule  of  his  regard,  which  is  laid 
down  for  him  by  the  apostle.  "  So  ought 
men  to  love  their  wives,  as  their  own  bodies ; 
he  that  loveth  his  wife  loveth  himself."  A 
man's  children  are  parts  of  himself;  his 
wife  is  himself;  "  for  they  two  shall  be  one 
flesh."  "  This  is  his  duty  and  the  measure 
of  it,  too ;  which  is  so  plain,  that  if  he 
understands  how  he  treats  himself,  there 
needs  nothing  be  added  concerning  his  de 
meanor  towards  her ;  for  what  mighty  care 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  89 

does  he  take  of  his  body,  and  uses  it  with  a 
delicate  tenderness,  and  cures  for  it  in  all 
contingencies,  and  watches  to  keep  it  from 
all  evils,  and  studies  to  make  for  it  fair 
provisions,  and  is  very  often  led  by  its  incli 
nations  and  desires,  and  does  never  contra 
dict  its  appetites,  but  when  they  are  evil, 
and  then  also  not  without  some  trouble  and 
sorrow !  "  So  let  a  man  love  his  wife  as  his 
own  body. 

Can  it  be  necessary  to  apply  the  force  of 
motives,  to  produce  an  appropriate  attention 
to  such  a  duty?  If  so,  I  appeal  to  your 
sense  of  honor.  Husbands,  call  to  recollec 
tion  the  wakeful  assiduities,  and  the  tender 
attentions,  by  which  you  won  the  affection 
and  the  confidence  of  the  woman,  who 
forsook  her  father,  and  her  mother,  and  the 
home  of  her  childhood,  to  find  a  resting 
place  for  her  heart  in  your  attachment ;  and 
will  you  falsify  the  vows  you  plighted,  and 
disappoint  the  hopes  you  raised?  Is  it 
accounted  a  disgraceful  stigma  on  a  man's 
reputation,  to  forfeit  the  pledges  of  a  lover? 
Oh,  how  much  more  dishonorable,  to  forget 
those  of  a  husband !  That  man  has  dis 
graced  himself  who  furnishes  just  occasion 


90  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

to  the  partner  of  his  days,  to  draw  with  a 
sigh  a  contrast  between  the  affectionate 
attention  she  received  as  a  lover  and  as  a 
wife. 

I  urge  affection  to  a  wife,  by  the  recollec 
tion  of  thai  solemn  moment,  when,  in  the 
presence  of  heaven  and  earth,  you  bound 
yourself  by  all  the  deeply  awful  formalities 
of  a  kind  of  oath,  to  throw  open,  and  keep 
open  your  heart,  as  the  fountain  of  her 
earthly  happiness,  and  to  devote  your  whole 
life  to  the  promotion  of  her  welfare. 

I  appeal  to  your  regard  to  justice.  You 
have  sworn  away  yourself  to  her,  and  are  no 
longer  your  own.  You  have  no  right  to  that 
individual,  and  separate,  and  independent 
kind  of  life,  which  would  lead  you  to  seek 
your  happiness  in  opposition  to,  or  neglect 
of  hers.  "You  twain  are  one  flesh." 

Humanity  puts  in  its  claim  on  behalf  of 
your  wife.  It  is  in  your  power  to  do  more 
for  her  happiness  or  misery,  than  any  other 
being  in  the  universe  but  God  himself.  An 
unkind  husband  is  a  tormentor  of  the  first 
class.  His  victim  can  never  elude  his  grasp, 
nor  go  beyond  the  reach  of  his  cruelty,  till 
she  is  kindly  released  by  the  king  of  ter- 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  91 


rorsj  who,  in  this  instance,  becomes  to  her 
an  angel  of  light,  and  conducts  her  to  the 
grave  as  to  a  shelter  from  her  oppressor. 
For  such  a  woman  there  is  no  rest  on  earth : 
the  destroyer  of  her  peace  has  her  ever  in 
his  power,  for  she  is  always  in  his  presence 
or  in  the  fear  of  it:  the  circumstances  of 
every  place,  and  every  day,  furnish  him  with 
the  occasions  of  cruel  neglect  or  unkindness, 
and  it  might  be  fairly  questioned,  whether 
there  is  to  be  found  on  earth  a  case  of  greater 
misery,  except  it  be  that  of  a  wretch  tortured 
by  remorse  and  despair,  than  a  woman  whose 
heart  daily  withers  under  the  cold  looks,  the 
chilling  words,  and  repulsive  actions  of  a 
husband  who  loveth  her  not.  Such  a  man 
is  a  murderer,  though  he  escapes  in  this 
world  the  murderer's  doom ;  and  by  a  refine 
ment  of  cruelty,  he  employs  years  in  conduct 
ing  his  victim  to  her  end,  by  the  slow  process 
of  a  lingering  death. 

If  nothing  else  can  prevail,  interest  should ; 
for  no  man  can  hate  his  wife,  without  hating 
himself,  for  "  she  is  his  own  flesh."  Love, 
like  mercy,  is  a  double  blessing;  and  hatred, 
like  cruelty,  is  a  double  torment.  We  can 
not  love  a  worthy  object  without  rejoicing 


92  THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 

in  the  reflex  beams  of  our  own  affection. 
Next  to  the  supreme  regard  we  cherish 
towards  God,  and  which  it  is  impossible  to 
exercise  and  not  hold  communion  with 
angels  in  the  joys  of  heaven,  connubial  love 
is  the  most  beatifying  passion;  and  to 
transvenom  this  into  unkindness,  is  to  open, 
at  the  very  centre  of  our  soul,  a  source  of 
poison,  which,  before  it  exudes  to  torture 
others,  torments  ourselves. 


THE    WIFE. 

"  Oh !  blest  with  temper,  whose  unclouded  ray 
Can  make  to-morrow  cheerful  as  to-day  ; 
She,  who  ne'er  answers  till  a  husband  cool«, 

Charms  by  accepting1,  by  submitting  sways  ; 
Yet  has  her  humor  most  when  she  obeys." 

The  first  duty  which  I  would  mention  is 

SUBJECTION. 

"  Wives,  submit  yourselves  unto  your  own 
husbands  as  unto  the  Lord ;  for  the  husband 
is  the  head  of  the  wife,  even  as  Christ  is  the 
head  of  the  church ;  and  he  is  the  savior 
of  the  body.  Therefore,  as  the  church  is 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  93 

subject  unto  Christ,  so  let  the  wives  be  to 
their  own  husbands  in  everything."  The 
same  tiling  is  enjoined  also  in  the  Epistle  to 
the  Colossians.  Peter  unites  with  Paul  in 
the  same  strain.  "  Ye  wives,  be  in  subjec 
tion  to  your  own  husbands."  Before  I  state 
the  kind  of  subjection  here  commanded,  it  is 
necessary  to  state  the  nature  of  the  authority 
to  which  it  is  to  be  yielded. 

It  is  such  an  authority  as  is  compatible 
with  religion  or  the  claims  of  God ;  for  no 
man  has  a  right  to  enjoin,  and  no  woman  is 
bound  to  obey,  any  command  which  is  in 
opposition  to  the  letter  or  spirit  of  the  Bible. 
— It  is  such  an  authority  as  is  consonant 
with  sound  reason;  its  injunctions  must  all 
be  reasonable ;  for  surely  it  is  too  much  to 
expect,  that  a  wife  is  to  become  the  slave  of 
folly,  any  more  than  of  cruelty.  It  is  an 
authority  that  accords  with  the  idea  of  com 
panionship.  It  was  very  beautifully  observed 
by  an  ancient  writer,  that  when  Adam  en 
deavored  to  shift  the  blame  of  his  transgres 
sion  upon  his  wife,  he  did  not  say  "  the 
woman  thou  gavest  to  me;"  no  such  thing; 
she  is  none  of  his  goods,  none  of  his 
possessions,  not  to  be  reckoned  amongst  his 


94  THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 

servants ;  but  he  said,  "  the  woman  thou 
gavest  to  be  with  me,"  that  is,  to  be  my 
partner,  the  companion  of  my  joys  and 
sorrows. 

Let  conjugal  authority  be  founded  upon 
love,  be  never  exercised  in  opposition  to 
revelation  or  reason,  and  be  regulated  by  the 
idea  of  companionship,  and  then  there  needs 
no  particular  rules  for  its  guidance;  for 
within  such  limits,  it  can  never  degenerate 
into  tyranny ;  nor  can  it  ever  oppress  its 
subjects.  To  such  a  power  any  woman  may 
bow,  without  degradation,  for  its  yoke  is 
easy  and  its  burden  light.  In  every  society, 
from  that  which  finds  its  centre  in  the 
father's  chair,  to  that  which  in  a  wider  circle 
rests  upon  the  throne,  there  must  be  prece 
dence  vested  somewhere,  and  some  ultimate 
authority,  some  last  and  highest  tribunal 
established,  from  the  decision  of  which  there 
lies  no  appeal. 

In  the  domestic  constitution,  this  superi 
ority  vests  in  the  husband ;  he  is  the  head, 
the  lawgiver,  the  ruler.  In  all  matters 
touching  the  little  world  in  the  house,  he  is 
to  direct,  not  indeed  without  taking  counsel 
with  his  wife,  but  in  all  discordancy  of  view. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  95 

he,  unless  he  choose  to  waive  his  right,  is  to 
decide ;  and  to  his  decision  the  wife  should 
yield,  and  yield  with  grace  and  cheerfulness. 
No  man  ought  to  resign  his  authority  as  the 
head  of  the  family,  no  woman  ought  to  wish 
him  to  do  it.  He  may  give  up  his  predi 
lections,  and  yield  to  her  wishes,  but  he 
must  not  abdicate  the  throne,  nor  resign  his 
sceptre.  Usurpation  is  always  hateful ;  and 
it  is  one  of  the  most  offensive  exhibitions  of 
it,  where  the  husband  is  degraded  into  a 
slave  of  the  queen-mother.  Such  a  woman 
looks  contemptible  even  upon  the  throne. 

I  admit  it  is  difficult  for  a  sensible  woman 
to  submit  to  imbecility,  but  she  should  have 
considered  this  before  she  united  herself  to 
it.  Having  committed  one  error,  let  her 
not  fall  into  a  second,  but  give  the  strongest 
proof  of  her  good  sense  which  circumstances 
will  allow  her  to  offer,  by  making  that  con 
cession  to  superiority  of  station,  which  there 
is  no  opportunity  in  her  case  for  her  to  do 
to  superiority  of  mind.  She  may  reason, 
she  may  persuade,  she  may  solicit,  but  if 
ignorance  cannot  be  convinced,  nor  obstinacy 
turned,  nor  kindness  conciliated,  she  has  no 
resource  left  but  to — submit;  and  one  of 


THE    MARRIAGE     RING. 


the  finest  scenes,  ever  to  be  presented  by  the 
domestic  economy,  is  that  of  a  sensible  wo 
man  employing  her  talents  and  address,  not 
to  subvert,  but  to  support  the  authority  of  a 
weak  husband ;  a  woman  who  prompts,  but 
does  not  command,  who  persuades,  but  does 
not  dictate,  who  influences,  but  does  not 
compel,  and  who,  after  taking  pains  to 
conceal  her  beneficent  interference,  submits 
to  the  authority  which  she  has  both  sup 
ported  and  guided. 

An  opposite  line  of  conduct  is  most 
mischievous,  for  weakness,  when  placed  in 
perpetual  contrast  with  superior  judgment, 
is  rarely  blind  to  its  own  defects;  and  as 
this  consciousness  of  inferiority,  when  united 
with  office,  is  always  jealous,  it  is  both 
watchful  and  resentful  of  any  interference 
with  its  prerogative.  There  must  be  sub 
jection  then ;  and,  where  it  cannot  be  yielded 
to  superior  talents,  because  there  are  none, 
it  must  be  conceded  to  superiority  of  station. 
But  let  husbands  be  cautious  not  to  put  the 
submission  of  their  wives  to  too  severe  a 
test.  It  is  hard,  very  hard,  to  obey  a  rash, 
indiscreet  and  silly  ruler.  "  If  j'ou  will  be 
the  head,  remember  the  head  is  not  only  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    R1JSG.  97 

seat  of  government,  but  of  knowledge.  If 
you  will  have  the  management  of  the  ship, 
see  that  a  fool  is  not  placed  at  the  helm. 
Shall  the  blind  offer  themselves  as  guides  ?  " 
The  grounds  of  submission  are  many  and 
strong.  Waiving  all  motives  founded  upon 
the  comparative  strength  of  mind  with  which 
the  two  sexes  may  be  gifted,  I  refer  my 
female  friends  to  less  questionable  matters. 
Look  at  the  creation;  woman  was  made 
after  the  man,  "  for  Adam  was  first  formed, 
then  Eve."  She  was  made  out  of  man,  "  for 
the  man  is  not  of  the  woman,  but  the 
woman  of  the  man."  She  was  made  for 
man ;  "  neither  was  the  man  created  for  the 
woman,  but  the  woman  for  the  man."  Look 
at  the  fall.  Woman  occasioned  it.  "  Adam 
was  not  deceived,  but  the  woman  being 
deceived  was  in  the  transgression."  She 
was  thus  punished  for  it :  "  Thy  desire  shall 
be  to  thy  husband,  and  he  shall  rule  over 
thee."  Look  at  her  history.  Have  not  the 
customs  of  all  nations,  ancient  and  modern, 
savage  and  civilized,  acknowledged  her 
subordination  ?  Look  at  the  light  in  which 
this  subject  is  placed  in  the  New  Testament. 
How  strong  is  the  language  of  the  text, 


98  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


"  the  husband  is  the  head  of  the  wife,  even 
as  Christ  is  the  head  of  the  church.  There 
fore  as  the  church  is  subject  unto  Christ,  so 
let  the  wives  be  to  their  own  husbands  in 
everything." 

Let  me  then,  my  respected  female  friends, 
as  you  would  submit  to  the  authority  of 
Christ,  as  you  would  adorn  the  station  that 
Providence  has  called  you  to  occupy,  as  you 
would  promote  your  own  peace,  the  comfort 
of  your  husband,  and  the  welfare  of  your 
family,  admonish  you  meekly  and  gracefully 
to  be  subject  in  all  things,  not  only  to  the 
wise  and  good,  but  to  the  foolish  and  iil- 
deserving.  You  may  reason,  as  I  have  said 
before,  you  may  expostulate,  but  you  must 
not  rebel  ojr  refuse.  Let  it  be  your  glory  to 
feel  how  much  you  can  endure,  rather  than 
despise  the  institutions  of  Heaven,  or  violate 
those  engagements  into  which  you  volun 
tarily  and  so  solemnly  entered.  Let  your 
submission  be  characterized  by  cheerfulness, 
and  not  by  reluctant  sullenness.  Let  it  not 
be  preceded  by  a  struggle,  but  yielded  at 
once  and  forever.  Let  there  be  no  holding 
out  to  the  last  extremity,  and  then  a  mere 
compulsory  capitulation;  but  a  voluntary, 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 


100  THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 


contradiction,  of  pertinacious  and  obtrusive 
disputation,  of  scolding  accusation,  of  angry, 
reproachful  complaint,  of  noisy  and  obstrep 
erous  expostulation,  should  be  avoided. 

Almost  all  domestic  quarrels  begin  in 
words;  and  it  is  usually  in  a  woman's- 
power  to  prevent  them  by  causing  the  law 
of  kindness  to  dwell  upon  her  lips,  and 
calming  the  gusts  of  her  husband's  passion, 
by  those  soft  answers  which  turn  away 
wrath.  Especially  should  she  be  careful 
how  she  speaks  to  him,  or  even  before  him, 
in  the  company  of  her  family,  or  of  strang 
ers.  She  must  not  talk  him  into  silence  ;  nor 
talk  at  him ;  nor  say  anything  that  is  calcu 
lated  to  wound  or  degrade  him ;  for  a  sting 
inflicted  in  public  is  doubly  charged  with 
venom;  she  must  not  endeavor  to  eclipse 
him,  to  engross  the  attention  of  the  company 
to  herself,  to  reduce  him  to  a  cipher  which 
is  valueless  till  she  stands  before  him. 
This  is  not  reverence ;  on  the  contrary,  she 
should  do  all  in  her  power  to  sustain  his 
respectability  and  dignity  in  public  esteem ; 
and  her  very  mode  of  addressing  him, 
partaking  at  once  of  the  kindness  of  afTec- 


tion,  and  the  deference  of  respect,  is  emi 
nently  calculated  to  do  this. 

And  should  he  at  any  time  express  himself 
in  the  language  of  reproof,  even  though  that 
reproof  be  causeless,  or  unjustly  severe,  let 
her  be  cautious  not  to  forget  her  station,  so 
as  to  be  betrayed  into  a  railing  recrimination, 
a  contemptuous  silence,  or  a  moody  sullen- 
ness.  Difficult,  I  am  aware,  it  is,  to  show 
reverence  and  respect,  where  there  are  no 
other  grounds  for  it  to  rest  upon  than  mere 
station ;  and  as  easy  to  pay  it  where  wisdom, 
dignity,  and  piety  support  the  claims  of 
relationship.  But  in  proportion  to  the  diffi 
culty  of  a  virtuous  action,  is  its  excellence ; 
and  hers  is  indeed  superior  virtue,  who 
yields  to  the  relationship  of  her  husband 
that  reverence,  which  he  forbids  her  to  pay 
to  him  on  account  of  his  conduct. 

Her  reverence  will  extend  itself  to  her 
actions,  and  lead  to  an  incessant  desire  to 
please  him  in  all  things.  It  is  assumed  by 
the  apostle  as  an  indisputable  and  general 
fact,  "that  the  married  woman  careth  how 
she  may  please  her  husband."  All  her 
conduct  should  be  framed  upon  this  principle, 
to  give  him  contentment,  and  to  increase  his 


I1ARJUAGE  .RING. 


delight  in  her.  Lei  her  appear  contented 
with  her  lot.  and  that  will  do  much  to  render 
him  content  with  his ;  while,  on  the  other 
hand,  nothing  is  more  likely  to  generate  dis 
content  in  his  heart,  than  the  appearance  of 
it  in  her. 

Let  her,  by  cheerful  good  humor,  diffuse 
an  air  of  pleasantness  through  his  dwelling. 
Let  her  guard,  as  much  as  possible,  against 
a  gloomy  and  moody  disposition,  which 
causes  her  to  move  about  with  the  silence 
and  cloudiness  of  a  spectre ;  for  who  likes 
to  dwell  in  a  haunted  house?  She  should 
always  welcome  him  across  his  threshold 
with  a  smile,  and  ever  put  forth  all  her  inge 
nuity  in  studying  to  please  him,  by  consulting 
his  wishes,  by  surprising  him  occasionally 
with  those  unlooked-for  and  ingenious  de 
vices  of  affection,  which,  though  small  in 
themselves,  are  the  proofs  of  a  mind  intent 
upon  the  business  of  giving  pleasure. 

The  greater  acts  of  reverent  and  respectful 
love  are  often  regarded  as  matters  of  course, 
and,  as  such,  produce  little  impression ;  but 
the  lesser  acts  of  attention,  which  come  not 
into  the  usual  routine  of  conjugal  duties, 
and  into  the  every-day  offices  which  may  be 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  103 

calculated  upon,  with  almost  as  much  cer 
tainty  as  the  coming  of  the  hour  which  they 
are  to  occupy,  these  free-will  offerings  of  an 
inventive  and  active  affection,  these  extra 
tokens  of  respect,  and  expressions  of  regard, 
have  a  mighty  power  to  attach  a  husband  to 
his  wife;  they  are  the  cords  of  love,  the 
bands  of  a  man.  In  all  her  personal  and 
domestic  habits,  her  first  care,  then,  next  to 
that  of  pleasing  God,  must  be  to  please  him, 
and  thus  hold  to  herself  that  heart,  which 
cannot  wander  from  her  without  carrying 
her  happiness  with  it,  and  which,  when  once 
departed,  cannot  be  restored  by  any  power 
short  of  Omnipotence  itself. 

MEEKNESS  is  especially  mentioned  by  the 
apostle  Peter,  as  a  disposition  which  it  is  the 
duty  of  every  wife  to  cultivate. 

He  has  distinguished  and  honored  this 
temper  by  calling  it  the  ornament  of  a  meek 
and  quiet  spirit.  If  there  be  some  virtues 
which  seem  preeminently  to  suit  the  female 
character,  meekness  bears  a  high  place 
amongst  such.  No  one  stands  in  greater 
need  of  this  disposition  than  the  female  head 
of  a  family ;  either  the  petulance  and  way 
wardness  of  children,  or  the  neglects  and 


104  THE   MARRIAGE   RING. 

misconduct  of  servants,  or  the  sharp  words 
i  of  a  husband,  are  almost  sure,  if  she  be 
easily  provoked,  to  keep  her  in  a  state  of 
irritation  all  the  day  long. 

How  trying  is  a  peevish  woman!  how 
odious  a  brawling  one !  "  It  is  belter  to 
dwell  in  the  wilderness,  than  with  a  con 
tentious  and  angry  woman."  The  Graces 
were  females,  says  Mr.  Jay;  so  were  the 
Furies  too.  It  is  astonishing  the  influence 
which  meekness  has  sometimes  had  in  a 
family ;  it  has  quenched  the  sparks  and  even 
coals  of  anger  and  strife,  which,  but  for 
this,  would  have  set  the  house  on  fire ;  it 
has  mastered  the  tiger  and  the  lion,  and  led 
them  captive  with  the  silken  thread  of 
love. 

The  strength  of  woman  lies  not  in  resist 
ing,  but  in  yielding;  her  power  is  in  her 
gentleness ;  there  is  more  of  real  defence, 
ay,  and  more  of  that  aggressive  operation, 
too,  which  disarms  a  ioe  in  one  mild  look,  or 
one  soft  accent,  than  in  hours  of  flashing 
glances  and  of  angry  tones.  When,  amidst 
domestic  strife,  she  has  been  enabled  to  keep 
her  temper,  the  storm  has  been  often  scat 
tered  as  it  rose ;  or  her  meekness  has  served 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  105 

as  a  conductor  to  carry  off  its  dreadful 
flashes,  which  otherwise  would  have  de 
stroyed  the  dwelling. 

Put  on,  then,  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and 
quiet  spirit.  Pay  less  attention  to  the 
decoration  of  the  person,  more  to  that  of  the 
mind.  "Your  adorning  is  not  to  be  that 
outward  adorning,  of  plaiting  the  hair,  and 
of  wearing  of  gold,  or  of  putting  on  of 
apparel,  but  the  hidden  man  of  the  heart, 
which  is  not  corruptible."  The  language  of 
another  apostle  on  this  subject  is  no  less 
striking.  "  In  like  manner,  also,  I  will  that 
women  adorn  themselves  in  modest  apparel, 
with  shamefacedness  and  sobriety ;  not  with 
broiclered  hair,  or  gold,  or  pearls,  or  costly 
array ;  but,  which  becometh  women  profes 
sing  godliness,  with  good  works."  1  Tim. 
ii.  9,  10.  Two  apostles,  who  both  wrote  as 
they  were  moved  by  the  Holy  Ghost,  in 
such  language  as  this,  have  denounced  as 
improper,  and  as  unbecoming  a  profession  of 
godliness,  a  taste  for  immodest,  expensive, 
or  highly  decorative  dress. 

Surely,  then,  the  subject  is  worthy  the 
most  serious  attention  of  all  Christian  fe 
males.  By  what  sophistry  can  the  letter, 


106  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

much  more  the  spirit,  of  two  passages  of 
holy  writ,  so  very  plain  and  express  in  their 
terms  as  these,  be  set  aside?  That  they 
are  set  aside,  is  evident  by  the  appearance 
of  almost  every  congregation  into  which  we 
could  enter  on  the  Sabbath  day. 

It  is  high  time  for  the  Christian  teacher 
to  call  back  the  women  "professing  godli 
ness,"  from  their  wanderings  in  the  regions 
of  fashionable  folly,  to  the  Holy  Scriptures  ; 
for  there,  it  should  be  remembered,  is  laid 
down  a  general  law  for  regulating  the  dress 
of  the  body  as  well  as  that  of  the  mind.  I 
do  hold,  then,  that  these  passages  of  Scrip 
ture  are  still  parts  of  revelation,  and,  as 
such,  still  binding  upon  the  conscience ;  if 
not,  show  me  when  they  were  cancelled. 

I  contend,  that  Christian  females  ought 
to  abstain  from  expensive,  showy,  and 
extravagant  fashions  in  dress,  jewelry,  and 
all  kinds  of  unsuitable  personal  decoration. 
I  am  not  arguing  for  a  sectarian  costume, 
for  a  religious  uniform,  for  canonical  shapes 
and  colors ;  nothing  of  the  sort,  but  for  sim 
plicity,  neatness,  economy;  for  what  the. 
apostle  calls  modest  apparel,  shamefacedness 
and  sobriety ;  for  the  spirit  of  the  passages 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  107 

if  not  the  very  letter;  for  a  distinction 
between  those  who  profess  godliness,  in 
their  comparative  inattention  to  such  things, 
and  those  who  make  no  such  profession ; 
for  a  proof  that  their  minds  are  not  so  much 
engaged  on  these  matters,  as  the  minds  of 
the  people  of  the  world  are. 

I  am  not  for  extinguishing  taste ;  alas,  in 
matters  of  dress,  this  is  already  done;  but 
for  resisting  the  lawless  dominion  of  folly, 
under  the  name  of  fashion.  I  am  not  for 
calling  back  the  age  of  Gothic  barbarism, 
or  vulgarity ;  no ;  I  will  leave  ample  room 
for  the  cultivation  of  both  taste  and  genius 
in  every  lawful  department ;  but  I  am  pro 
testing  against  the  desolating  reign  of  vanity ; 
I  am  resisting  the  entrance  of  frivolity  into 
the  church  of  God ;  I  am  contending  against 
the  glaring  inconsistency  of  rendering  our 
religious  assemblies  like  the  audience  con 
vened  in  a  theatre. 

The  evils  of  an  improper  attention  to  dress 
are  great  and  numerous.  1.  Much  precious 
tjne  is  wasted  in  the  study,  and  arrange 
ments,  and  decisions  of  this  matter.  2. 
The  attention  is  taken  off  from  the  improve 
ment  of  the  mind  and  the  heart,  to  the 


108  THE    MARRIAGE   RING. 


decoration  of  the  person.  3.  The  mind  is 
filled  with  pride  and  vanity,  and  a  deteriora 
ting  influence  is  carried  on  upon  what  con 
stitutes  the  true  dignity  of  the  soul.  4.  The 
love  of  display  infects  the  character.  5. 
Money  is  wasted,  which  is  wanted  for  reliev 
ing  the  misery  and  improving  the  condition 
of  mankind.  6.  Examples  are  set  to  the 
lower  classes,  in  whom  the  propensity  is 
often  mischievous  in  many  ways. 

I  am  aware  it  might  be,  and  is  said,  that 
there  may  be  the  pride  of  singularity,  as 
well  as  of  fashion ;  the  pride  of  being  covered 
with  sober  autumnal  tints,  as  well  as  of 
exhibiting  the  brilliant  hues  of  the  rainbow ; 
the  pride  of  quality  and  of  texture,  as  well 
as  of  color  and  of  form.  I  know  it,  and  I  do 
not  justify  the  one  more  than  I  do  the  other ; 
I  condemn  all  kinds  ;  but,  at  any  rate,  there 
is  a  little  more  dignity  in  one  kind  than  in 
another.  I  will  leave  opportunity  for  the 
distinctions  of  rank,  for  the  inventions  of 
true  taste,  and  for  the  modest  and  unobtrusive 
displays  of  natural  elegance  and  simple 
beauty ;  but  I  cannot  allow  the  propriety  of 
Christian  females  yielding  themselves  to 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  109 

the  guidance  of  fashion,  however  expensive, 
extravagant  or  gaudy. 

As  to  the  employment  of  our  artisans  by 
the  various  changes  of  fashion,  I  have 
nothing  to  do  with  this,  in  face  of  an 
apostolic  injunction.  The  silversmiths,  who 
made  shrines  for  the  worshippers  of  Diana, 
might  have  pleaded  the  same  objection 
against  the  preachers  of  the  gospel,  who  cer 
tainly  did,  so  far  as  they  were  successful, 
ruin  this  trade.  I  am  only  speaking  to  pro 
fessors  of  religion,  who  form  so  small  a  por 
tion  of  society,  that  their  abstinence  from 
folly  would  do  but  little  in  diminishing  the 
employment  of  the  work-people,  and  if  it  did, 
let  them  make  it  up  in  some  other  way. 
What  I  contend  for,  then,  is  not  meanness,  nor 
unvarying  sameness ;  but  neatness  opposed 
to  gaudiness;  simplicity  and  becomingness 
to  extravagance  ;  modesty  opposed  to  indeli 
cacy;  economy  opposed  to  expensiveness. 

Whether  what  I  contend  for  is  character 
istic  of  the  age  in  which  we  live,  let  any 
spectator  determine.  I  am  anxious  to  see 
professors  of  religion  displaying  a  serious 
ness  and  spirituality,  a  dignity  and  sobriety 
of  mind,  a  simplicity  of  habits,  and  a  sedate- 


110  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

ness  of  manners,  becoming  their  high  and 
holy  profession ;  and  all  this  united  with  an 
economy  in  their  personal  expenses,  which 
will  leave  them  a  greater  fund  at  their 
disposal,  for  relieving  the  miseries  and 
promoting  the  happiness  of  their  fellow- 
creatures. 

But,  perhaps,  after  all,  many  women  may 
plead,  that  the  gayety  and  expensiveness  of 
their  dress  is  more  to  please  their  husbands 
than  themselves;  but  even  this  must  have 
its  limits.  And  I  really  pity  the  folly  of 
that  man,  who  concerns  himself  too  much  in 
the  arrangement  of  his  wife's  wardrobe  and 
toilet;  and  who  would  rather  see  her  go 
forth  in  all  the  gorgeousness  of  splendid 
apparel,  to  display  herself  in  the  drawing- 
rooms  of  her  friends,  than,  in  dignified  neat 
ness,  to  visit  the  cottages  of  the  poor,  as  the 
messenger  of  mercy ;  and  who  rejoices  more 
to  contemplate  her  moving  through  the 
circles  of  fashion,  the  admiration  of  one  sex, 
and  the  envy  of  the  other,  than  to  see  her 
holding  on  her  radiant  course,  in  the  orbit 
of  benevolence,  clad  in  unexpensive  simplic 
ity,  and,  with  the  savings  of  her  personal 
expenditure,  clothing  the  naked,  feeding  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


hungry,  healing  the  sick,  and  thus  bringing 
upon  herself  the  blessings  of  him  that  was 
ready  to  perish,  and  causing  the  widow's 
heart  to  sing  for  joy. 

Let  it  be  remembered,  that  not  only  the 
ornament,  but  the  person  which  it  adorns,  is 
corruptible.  Accidents  may  distort  the  finest 
form,  diseases  fade  the  loveliest  coloring, 
time  disfigure  the  smoothest  surface,  and 
death,  the  spoiler  of  beauty,  work  a  change 
so  awful  and  appalling,  as  to  turn  away  the 
most  impassioned  admirers  in  disgust.  How 
soon  will  every  other  dress  be  displaced  by 
the  shroud,  and  every  other  decoration  be 
stripped  off  to  make  way  for  the  flowers  that 
are  strewed  in  the  coffin  upon  the  corpse,  as 
if  to  hide  the  deformity  of  death. 

But  the  graces  of  the  heart,  and  the 
beauties  of  the  character,  are  imperishable. 
Such  let  a  wife  be  continually  seeking  to  put 
on ;  "  for  she  that  has  a  wise  husband  must 
entice  him  to  an  eternal  dearness,  by  the 
veil  of  modesty,  and  the  robes  of  chastity, 
the  ornaments  of  meekness,  and  the  jewels 
of  faith  and  charity ;  she  must  have  no  paint 
but  blushings  ;  her  brightness  must  be  her 
purity,  and  she  must  shine  round  about  with 


112  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


sweetness  and  friendship,  and  then  she  shall 
be  pleasant  while  she  lives,  and  desired 
when  she  dies." 

Economy  and  order  in  the  management  of 
her  personal  and  domestic  expenditure,  are 
the  obvious  duty  of  a  wife. 

You  are  to  preside  in  the  direction  of 
household  affairs ;  and  much  of  the  pros 
perity  and  comfort  of  the  little  community 
will  depend  upon  your  skilful  and  prudent 
arrangements.  There  is  a  manifest  disposi 
tion,  in  this  age,  in  all  classes  of  society,  to 
come  as  closely  as  possible  to  the  habits  of 
those  above  them.  The  poor  are  imitating 
the  middling  classes,  and  the]/  are  copying 
the  upper  ranks.  A  showy,  luxurious,  and 
expensive  taste  is  almost  universally  cher 
ished,  and  is  displayed  in  innumerable 
instances,  where  there  are  no  means  to  sup 
port  it. 

A  large  house,  a  country  residence,  splen 
did  furniture,  a  carriage,  a  retinue  of  ser 
vants,  and  large  parties,  are  the  aim  of  many, 
whose  creditors  pay  for  all.  Christian  fam 
ilies  are  in  most  imminent  peril  of  worldly 
conformity  in  the  present  day ;  and  the  line 
of  demarcation  between  the  church  and  the 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  113 

world  is  fast  wearing  out.  It  is  true,  they 
have  no  cards,  they  do  not  frequent  the 
theatre,  or  the  hall-room,  and  perhaps  they 
have  no  midnight  routs ; — hut  this  is  all ;  for 
many  are  as  anxious  about  the  splendor  of 
their  furniture,  the  fashion  of  their  habits, 
the  expensiveness  of  their  entertainments,  as 
the  veriest  worldling  can  he. 

Now  a  wife  lias  great  influence  in  checking 
or  promoting  all  this.  It  has  been  thought 
that  this  increasing  disposition  for  domestic 
show  and  gayety  is  to  be  attributed  chiefly 
to  female  vanity.  It  is  woman  that  is 
generally  regarded  as  the  presiding  genius 
of  such  a  scene ;  she  receives  the  praise  and 
the  compliment  of  the  whole,  and  she 
therefore  is  under  the  strongest  temptation 
to  promote  it.  But  let  her  consider  how 
little  all  this  has  to  do  with  the  happiness 
of  the  family,  even  in  its  most  prosperous 
state ;  and  how  a  recollection  of  it  aggravates 
the  misery  of  adversity,  when  a  reverse  takes 
place.  Then  to  be  found  in  debt  for  finery 
of  dress  or  furniture ;  then  to  have  it  said 
that  her  extravagance  helped  to  ruin  her 
husband ;  then  to  want  that  for  bread, 
which  was  formerly  wasted  on  luxury; 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


then  to  hear  the  whispered  reproach  of  hav 
ing  injured  others  by  her  own  thoughtless 
expenditure ! 

Avoid,  my  female  friends,  these  miseries  ; 
do  not  go  on  to  prepare  wormwood  and  gall 
to  imbitter  still  more  the  already  bitter  cup 
of  adversity.  Endeavor  to  acquire  a  skil- 
fulness  in  domestic  management,  a  frugality, 
a  prudence,  a  love  of  order  and  neatness,  a 
.midway  course  between  meanness  and  lux- 
^ry,  suitableness  to  your  station  in  life,  to 
^our  Christian  profession,  an  economy  which 
shall  leave  you  more  to  spare  for  the  cause 
of  God  and  the  miseries  of  man.  Rather 
check  than  stimulate  the  taste  of  your  hus 
band  for  expense;  tell  him  that  it  is  not 
necessary  for  your  happiness,  nor  for  the  com 
fort  of  the  family ;  draw  him  away  from  these 
adventitious  circumstances,  to  the  mental 
improvement,  the  moral  culture,  the  religious 
instruction  of  your  children.  Let  knowledge, 
piety,  good  sense,  well-formed  habits,  har 
mony,  mutual  love,  be  the  sources  of  your 
domestic  pleasures.  What  is  splendor  of 
furniture,  or  dress,  or  entertainments,  to 
these  ? 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  115 

A  Wife  SHOULD  BE  MOST  ATTENTIVE  TO 
ALL  THAT  CONCERNS  THE  WELFARE  AND 
COMFORT  OF  THE  CHILDREN. 

For  this  purpose,  she  must  be.  a  keeper  at 
home.  "  That  they  may  teach  the  young 
wives  to  be  sober,  to  love  their  husbands,  to 
love  their  children,  to  be  discreet,  chaste, 
keepers  at  home."  And  how  can  the  duties 
that  devolve  upon  the  female  head  of  a 
family  be  well  discharged,  if  she  be  not  a 
keeper  at  home?  On  this  I  have  dwelt 
already,  in  a  former  chapter,  but  its  impor 
tance  will  justify  my  returning  to  the  SUD- 
ject  again.  How  much  has  she  to  attend 
to,  how  many  cares  to  sustain,  how  many 
activities  to  support,  where  there  is  a 
young  family.  Whoever  has  leisure  for 
gossiping,  she  has  none;  whoever  may  be 
found  wandering  from  house  to  house, 
"hearing  or  telling  some  new  thing,"  she 
must  not. 

A  mother's  place  is  in  the  midst  of  her 
family ;  a  mother's  duties  are  to  take  care 
of  them.  Nothing  can  excuse  a  neglect  of 
these;  and  yet  we  often  see  such  neglect. 
Some  are  literary  characters^  and  the  welfare 
of  the  household  is  neglected  for  books. 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


Not  that  I  would  debar  a  female  from  the 
luxury  of  reading ;  far  from  it ;  but  her  taste 
for  literature  must  be  kept  within  due 
bounds,  and  «ot  be  allowed  to  interfere  with 
her  household  duties.  No  husband  can  be 
pleased  to  see  a  book  in  the  hands  of  a  wife, 
while  the  house  is  in  confusion,  and  the 
children's  comfort  unprovided  for.  Much 
less  should  a  taste  for  company  be  allowed 
to  draw  a  wife  too  much  out  of  the  circle  of 
her  care  and  duties.  To  be  wandering  from 
house  to  house  in  the  morning,  or  to  be 
engaged  till  a  late  hour,  evening  after  even 
ing,  at  a  party,  while  the  family  at  home  are 
left  to  themselves,  or  to  the  care  of  servants, 
is  certainly  disgraceful. 

Even  attention  to  the  public  duties  of 
religion  must  be  regulated  by  a  due  regard 
to  domestic  claims.  I  am  aware  that  many 
are  apt  to  make  these  claims  an  excuse  for 
neglecting  the  public  means  of  grace  almost 
entirely ;  the  house  of  God  is  unfrequented  ; 
sermons,  sacramental  seasons,  and  all  other 
religious  meetings,  are  given  up,  for  an 
absorbing  attention  to  household  affairs. 
This  is  one  extreme ;  and  the  other  is,  such 
a  devotedness  to  religious  meetings,  that  the 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  117 

wants  of  a  sick  family,  the  cries  of  a  hungry 
infant,  or  the  circumstances  of  some  extra 
ordinary  case  of  family  care,  are  not  allowed 
to  have  any  force  in  detaining  a  mother 
from  a  week-day  sermon,  a  prayer-meeting, 
or  the  anniversary  of  some  public  institu 
tion. 

It  is  no  honor  to  religion,  for  a  wife,  under 
such  circumstances,  to  be  seen  in  the  house 
of  God ;  duties  cannot  be  in  opposition  to 
each  other ;  and,  at  such  a  time,  hers  lie  at 
home.  It  must  be  always  distressing,  and, 
in  some  cases,  disgusting,  for  a  husband,  on 
his  returning  to  a  scene  of  domestic  confu 
sion,  and  seeing  a  neglected  child  in  the  cot, 
to  be  told,  upon  inquiring  after  the  mother, 
that  she  is  attending  a  sermon  or  public 
meeting.  There  is  great  need  for  watchful 
ness  in  the  present  age,  when  female  agency 
is  in  such  requisition,  lest  attention  to 
public  institutions  should  most  injuriously 
interfere  with  the  duties  of  a  wife  and  a 
mother. 

I  know  very  well  that  an  active  woman 
may,  by  habits  of  order,  punctuality,  and 
despatch,  so  arrange  more  direct  and  imme 
diate  duties  at  home,  as  to  allow  of  sufficient 


118  THE   MARRIAGE    RING. 

leisure  to  assist  the  noble  societies  which 
solicit  her  patronage,  without  neglecting  her 
husband  and  children ;  but  where  this  cannot 
be  done,  no  society,  whether  humane  or 
religious,  should  be  allowed  to  take  her 
away  from  what  is,  after  all,  her  first  and 
more  appropriate  sphere.  She  must  be  a 
keeper  at  ho7ne}  if  anything  there  demands 
her  presence. 

Such  appear  to  me  to  be  the  leading  duties 
of  a  wife.  Motives  of  a  very  high  and 
sacred  character  may  be  offered  for  a  diligent 
performance  of  them.  Her  own  comfort, 
and  that  of  her  husband,  is  of  course  most 
vitally  connected  with  a  "fulfilment  of  her 
obligations  ;  and  the  welfare  of  her  children 
is  also  deeply  involved.  And  then,  her 
character  shines  forth  with  peculiar  lustre. 
A  GOOD  WIFE  is  a  high  attainment  in  female 
excellence ;  it  is  woman  in  her  brightest 
glory  since  the  fall. 

But  there  is  one  consideration  of  supreme 
importance,  mentioned  by  the  apostle,  to 
which  I  shall  direct  your  attention.  "  Like 
wise,  ye  wives,  be  in  subjection  to  your  own 
husbands ;  that  if  any  obey  not  the  word, 
they  also  may  without  the  word  be  won  by 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  119 

the  conversation  of  the  wives,  while  they 
behold  your  chaste  conversation,  coupled 
with  fear."  Powerful  and  yet  tender  consid 
eration!  Mark,  my  female  friends,  the 
implied  eulogy  passed  by  the  apostle  on  your 
sex,  where  he  seems  to  take  it  for  granted 
that  if  one  party  be  destitute  of  religion,  it  is 
the  husband.  And  facts  prove  that  this 
assumption  was  correct. 

Religion  flourishes  most  among  the  female 
part,  of  our  species;  in  our  congregations, 
and  in  our  churches,  the  greater  number  is 
of  ihem.  Can  we  account  for  this  by  natural 
causes  ?  Partly.  They  are  more  at  home, 
and,  therefore,  more  within  the  reach  of  the 
means  of  grace  ; — they  are  more  susceptible ; 
— they  are  less  exposed  to  those  temptations 
that  harden  the  heart  through  the  deceitful- 
ness  of  sin ; — they  are  subject  to  more  afflic 
tion,  which  softens  the  heart,  and  prepares  it 
for  the  seed  of  the  kingdom ; — but  all  this  is 
not  enough,  for  without  grace  all  these 
advantages  are  unavailing ;  we  must  resolve 
it,  therefore,  into  divine  purposes,  divine 
interposition,  and  the  arrangements  of  divine 
wisdom. 

Female  influence  in  all  civilized  states  is 


120  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

great;  and  God  has  generally  made  much 
use  of  this,  wherever  the  gospel  has  come,  as 
one  of  the  means  for  spreading  religion. 
He  pours  his  grace  on  them,  that  their  influ 
ence  may  he  employed  with  others,  especially 
their  husbands  and  their  children.  If,  then, 
in  any  case,  a  Christian  woman  be  united  to 
an  unconverted  man,  she  must  cherish  and 
display  a  deep,  and  tender,  and  judicious 
solicitude  for  his  salvation;  and  "what 
knowest  thou,  O  wife,  whether  thou  shalt 
save  thy  husband?"  I  would  not  encourage 
unequal  marriages;  I  would  not  have  the 
single  try  the  doubtful  and  dangerous  exper 
iment  of  marrying  an  irreligious  man,  in  the 
hope  of  converting  him ;  in  such  cases,  the 
conversion  is  often  the  other  way ;  but  where 
the  union  is  formed,  there,  I  say,  nourish  the 
anxiety,  and  employ  every  discreet  exertion 
for  his  eternal  welfare. 

Many  instances  have  occurred,  in  which 
the  unbelieving  husband  has  been  sanctified 
by  the  wife.  She  has  drawn  him,  with  the 
cords  of  a  tender  and  judicious  love,  to  a 
consideration  of  the  subject  of  personal 
religion.  Think  of  the  value  of  a  soul,  and 
of  the  ineffable  glory  of  being  the  instrument 


THE   MARRIAGE   RING.  121 

of  its  salvation.  But,  O,  to  be  the  means  of 
saving"  the  soul  of  a  husband  !  Think  how 
it  will  strengthen  the  bond,  and  sanctify  and 
sweeten  it,  which  unites  you  on  earth  and  in 
time;  and  at  the  same  time  add  to  it  a  tie, 
by  which  you  shall  "  not  lose  one  another  in 
the  valley  of  the  shadow  of  death,"  but  be 
reunited  as  kindred  spirits,  though  not  as 
man  and  wife,  in  hea,ven,  and  through 
eternity. 

Think,  O  wife,  of  the  happiness — the 
honor  that  awaits  you.  What  is  the  triumph 
you  have  acquired  over  him  by  your  charms, 
compared  with  the  victory  you  will  obtain 
over  him  by  your  religion  ?  What  pleasure 
will  attend  you  the  remainder  of  your  days  ! 
now  you  are  of  "  one  heart  and  one  mind ;" 
now  you  "take  sweet  counsel  together." 
The  privileged  language  of  prayer  now  is, — 
"OuR  Father;" — of  every  motion  made  to 
go  and  seek  the  Lord  of  Hosts  there  fe  a 
ready  acceptance — "I  will  go  also."  And 
what  will  be  your  joy  and  crown  of  rejoicing 
in  that  day,  when,  before  assembled  men 
and  angels,  he  will  say,  O  blessed  be  the 
Providence  which  attached  us  in  yonder 
world,  and  has  still  more  perfectly  united  us 


122  THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 

in  this !  The  woman  thou  gavest  to  be  with 
me  led  me  not  to  the  tree  of  knowledge  of 
good  and  evil,  but  to  the  tree  of  life  which 
is  in  the  midst  of  the  Paradise  of  God. 

But  how  is  this  solicitude  to  be  employed? 
The  apostle  tells  us;  "that  they  may  be 
won  by  the  conversation  of  their  wives, 
while  they  BEHOLD  your  chaste  conversation, 
coupled  with  fear."  Your  religion  must  be 
seen  embodied  in  your  whole  character  and 
conduct.  It  must  commend  itself  to  their 
judgment,  by  what  they  perceive  as  sincere. 
It  must  be  consistent;  for  a  want  of  uni 
formity,  however  earnest  it  may  in  many 
respects  arift  at  many  times  appear,  will 
produce  disgust.  You  must  "  let  your  light 
shine  before  them,  that  they,  seeing-  your 
good  works,  may  glorify  God."  You  must 
ever  appear  invested  with  all  the  beauty  of 
a  lovely  example,  which,  silent  though  you 
be  as  it  respects  your  tongue,  is  living 
eloquence. 

Your  religion  must  diffuse  its  lustre  over 
your  whole  character,  and  impress  itself 
most  deeply  on  your  relation  as  a  wife  and 
a  mother;  it  must  be  a  new  motive  to  all 
that  respect,  and  reverence,  and  devotedness, 


THE    MARRIAGE    KING.  123 

and  meekness,  which  have  been  laid  before 
you ;  and  it  must  lead  you  to  carry  every 
conjugal  and  maternal  virtue  to  the  highest 
degree  of  perfection.  It  must  be  attended 
with  the  most  profound  humility ;  or  if  there 
be  any  spiritual  pride,  any  conscious  and 
manifest  sense  of  superiority,  anything 
approaching  to  the  pharisaic  temper,  which 
says,  "  Stand  by,  I  am  holier  than  thou," 
anything  like  contempt  of  your  husband, 
as  an  unconverted  sinner,  you  will  excite  an 
inveterate  prejudice,  not  only  against  religion, 
but  against  yourself;  religion  will  be  hated 
by  him  for  your  sake,  and  you  for  religion's 
sake. 

When  you  venture  to  speak  to  him  on  the 
subject  of  piety,  it  should  be  as  remotely  as 
possible  from  all  lecturing,  all  dictation,  all 
reproach,  all  conscious  superiority ;  and  with 
all  possible  tenderness,  meekness,  humility, 
and  persuasive  affection.  Never  talk  to 
him  of  his  state  before  others,  and  never 
talk  at  him.  Nor  is  it  likely  to  accomplish 
the  object  you  have  in  view,  to  weary  him 
by  continual  importunity.  Many  defeat  their 
own  end  by  an  incessant  introduction  of  the 
subject,  and  sometimes  with  an  asperity 


124  THE    MARRIAGE   RING. 

which  increases  the  revulsion,  which  its  own 
nature  is  calculated,  in  such  a  mind,  to 
produce.  An  occasional  hint,  and  that  of 
the  most  tender,  respectful,  and  delicate  kind, 
is  all  that  you  should  attempt,  and  then 
leave  your  example  to  speak.  Occasionally, 
you  may  put  an  instructive  volume  in  his 
way,  and  when  opportunity  offers,  solicit  his 
perusal  of  it. 

Do  not  bring  your  religious  friends  too  much 
about  you,  so  as  to  annoy  him ;  especially, 
keep  away  as  much  as  possible  any  that  may 
have  a  less  portion  of  discretion  than  the 
rest;  and  confine  yourself  to  the  more 
judicious  and  best  informed.  Never  rudely 
interfere  with  his  pursuits,  his  reading,  or 
his  company,  although  they  may  not  be  what 
you  can  cordially  approve.  Till  he  is 
enlightened  from  above,  he  will  not  see  the 
evil  of  these  things,  and  to  attempt  to 
interrupt  him,  in  any  other  way  than  by  the 
mildest  and  most  respectful  expostulation, 
will  only  do  harm. 

Should  he  wish  to  draw  you  from  the 
high  pursuit  of  eternal  life,  you  are  not,  of 
course,  in  this  case,  to  yield  to  his  persua 
sion,  nor  in  anything  to  concede,  where  your 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  125 

conscience  is  decidedly  concerned  in  the 
matter.  You  must  be  firm,  but  mild.  One 
concession  granted  by  you  would  only  lead 
to  another.  But  still,  even  in  this  extremity, 
your  resistance  of  his  attempts  to  interfere 
with  your  religion  must  be  maintained  in 
all  the  meekness  of  wisdom,  and  must  be 
attended  with  fresh  efforts  to  please,  in  all 
things  which  are  lawful.  If  such  a  line  of 
conduct  should  subject  you  to  reproach, 
anger,  and  persecution,  a  most  painful  and 
by  no  means  an  uncommon  case,  you  must 
possess  your  soul  in  patience,  and  commit 
your  way  to  Him  that  judgeth  righteously. 
Many  a  persecuting  husband  has  been  sub 
dued,  if  not  to  religion,  yet  to  kinder  conduct, 
by  the  meek  and  uncomplaining  temper  of 
his  wife. 

To  conclude.  Let  us  all  seek  after  more 
of  the  spirit  of  true  religion, — the  spirit  of 
faith,  of  hope,  of  prayer ;  a  faith  that  really 
believes  the  word  of  God,  and  looketh 
habitually  to  the  cross  of  Christ,  by  which 
we  obtain  salvation,  and  to  the  eternal  world, 
where  we  shall  fully  and  forever  enjoy  it ;  a 
hope  that  lives  in  the  expectation  and  desire 
of  glory,  honor,  immortality,  and  eternal 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


life ;  and  a  spirit  of  prayer  which  leads  us 
daily  and   hourly  to   the  throne   of  divine 
I   grace,  for  all  that  aid  of  the  Holy  Ghost 
which  we  need,  not  only  for  the  duties  that 
|   refer  to  our  relations  to  another  world,  but 
j   for  those  which  devolve  upon  us  in  conse 
quence  of  our  relations  in  this.     "  Godliness 
is  profitable  for  all  things,  having  the  prom 
ise  of  the  life  that  now  is,  as  well  as  of  that 
which  is  to  come."      The  same  principle  of 
divine  grace  which  unites  us  to  God  will 
bind  us  closer  to  each  other. 

Religion  contains  in  it  not  only  the  seeds 
of  immortal  virtues,  but  of  such  as  are 
mortal;  not  only  the  germs  of  excellences 
which  are  to  flourish  in  the  temple  of  heaven, 
but  which  grow  up  in  the  house  of  our  pil 
grimage  upon  earth,  to  enliven  with  their 
beauty,  and  to  refresh  with  their  fragrance, 
the  domestic  circle.  A  good  Christian 
cannot  be  a  bad  husband  or  father ;  and, 
other  things  being  equal,  he  who  has  most 
piety  will  shine  most  in  all  the  relations  of 
life. 

A  Bible  placed  between  man  and  wife 
as  the  basis  of  their  union,  the  rule  of  their 
conduct,  and  the  model  of  their  spirit,  will 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING.  127 

make  up  many  a  difference,  comfort  them 
under  many  a  cross,  guide  them  in  many  a 
strait,  wherein  flesh  and  blood  will  be  con 
founded  and  at  a  loss,  support  them  in  their 
last  sad  parting  from  each  other,  and  reiinite 
them  in  that  happy  world  where  they  shall 
go  no  more  out. 

"  Those  married  pairs  that  live  as  remem 
bering  that  they  must  part  again,  and  give 
an  account  how  they  treat  themselves  and 
each  other,  shall,  at  the  day  of  their  death, 
be  admitted  to  glorious  espousals;  and, 
when  they  shall  live  again,  be  married  to 
their  Lord,  and  partake  of  his  glories.  All 
those  things  that  now  please  us  shall  pass 
from  us,  or  we  from  them ;  but  those  things 
that  concern  the  other  life  are  permanent  as 
the  numbers  of  eternity;  and  although  at 
the  resurrection  there  shall  be  no  relation  of 
husband  and  wife,  and  no  marriage  shall  be 
celebrated  but  the  marriage  of  the  Lamb, 
yet  then  shall  be  remembered  how  men  and 
women  passed  through  this  state,  which  is 
a  type  of  that;  and  from  this  sacramental 
union,  all  holy  pairs  shall  pass  to  the  spirit 
ual  and  eternal,  where  love  shall  be  their 
portion,  and  joys  shall  crown  their  heads, 


128 


THE    MARRIAGE    RING. 


and  they  shall  lie  in  the  bosom  of  Jesus,  and 
in  the  heart  of  God,  to  eternal  ages." 

"Far,  far  beyond  the  reach  of  mortal  ken, 
No  eye  hath  seen  it,  nor  hath  human  pen 
Portrayed  the  glories  of  that  world  above, 
Whose  very  atmosphere  is  holy  love  ! 

There  Christians,  who  in  union  dwelt  on  earth, 
Heirs  of  its  mansions  by  celestial  birth, 
In  blest  society  shall  meet  and  blend 
In  love  and  fellowship  that  never  end. 

Oh  !  'twill  be  passing  sweet,  to  meet  the  friend 
We  loved  on  earth,  and  there  together  bend 
Before  the  throne  eternal,  and  rehearse 
Its  untold  glories  in  exalted  verse. 

To  walk  in  company  the  golden  streets, 
To  sit,  but  not  apart,  on  shining  seats  ; 
To  trace  the  beauues  of  each  dazzling  gem, 
Or  pluck  the  fruit  of  some  unfading  steml 

To  sip  the  waters  of  the  sparkling  fount, 
To  crop  the  flowers  that  deck  the  holy  mount, 
To  breathe  the  fragrance  of  the  balmy  gale, 
Or  on  the  crystal  river  spread  the  sail ! 

But  most  to  adore  the  wonders  of  his  grace, 
To  see  the  unveiled  splendors  of  his  face, 
Who  bought  us  with  a  price  immense,  unknown, 
And  raised  us  from  a  prison  to  a  throne  1 " 


s 

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